Steemit entered my life at a peculiar time. A period of transition, if you will. One of self-renewal and self-discovery.
You see, as I sit here contemplating how to explain my plight, I fear coming off too "wordy" or looking too much like a victim. I fear looking weak, even under the cloak of anonymity that Steemit offers its users. I fear being judged by other users, just the same.
Today, that fear is subsiding.
Today, is a new day, and the first day I move towards defining the new me.
Life has been a struggle as of late. A struggle that has prevented me from interacting with the outside world. I have secluded myself into a state of severe isolation. The only outlet to the outside world I have had is the internet for the past couple of years.
You see, I have been labeled within this society. I have been “marked” as damaged and given a set clinic diagnoses to go along with it. I am a combat veteran. I served 15 years in the Army, having been discharged, honorably, three short years ago, but it seems like it was just yesterday that I took off the uniform. I am a 100% disabled veteran, which means I am “unlikely to maintain, gainful employment”, but I plan on changing that paradigm.
I am going to use Steemit to make that happen!
This is only my 49th post, between articles and responding to others, but I plan on contributing daily from this point forward. My mind is scattered, so naturally, my offerings will cover a large spectrum of topics.
Two years ago, I was working for an unnamed agency in the government. I was attempting to deal with issues related to PTSD and depression for which I was diagnosed with while in the Army, on my own. I did not make the time to seek treatment as I went directly from the military to the workforce, and really, I was lost, and did not know how to circumnavigate the process of getting treatment through the Department of Veterans Affairs.
Then it happened… The paranoia started to kick in. Thought patterns became erratic, and I lost my shit one day, while at work. I forced my employer to “lawyer up” so that a person of “authority” could tell me I was wrong in an accusation I had made concerning them taking away my rights. Something just snapped inside of my head that day, and I realized something, not knowing exactly what, had happened and I needed to do something about it before it got out of hand.
Embarrassed, I walked out of my job, and proceeded directly to the nearest VA medical clinic to be seen. According to my psychiatrist, I was in a “persistent” delusion or what others call, a state of “psychosis”. Everyone was a threat to me at this point in time, and I could not differentiate between what my mind had made up versus what had really transpired. I was in bad shape.
Now, the word “psychosis” sounds scary, and for the most part, the definition meets that expectation. Psychosis signals a loss of touch with external reality. That is the reality outside of your mind, or the reality that everyone else lives within.
The Path Forward
This was two years ago, and for the most part, I have spent my time interacting on the internet only as I have received ongoing treatment but have yet to make that step of getting myself back out there, once again, despite my condition improving over that time.
This is my road to recovery, and Steemit is bringing hope back into a once broken life. I have made leaps and bounds in my path to recovery, and this platform has given me a newfound interest that I look forward to contributing towards.
No more self-pity.
No more self-hate.
That all changes today. Today, I am taking a new step forward. Starting tomorrow, I will be making a point to interact with the outside world daily by taking up a new hobby of “Steeming”. I am learning as I go, and my work will only improve, so if you feel like reading the ramblings of a recovering, disgruntled veteran, then please hit the follow button below. #tellyourstory
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