Zippy, I read this post and the original, Choosing Life, and I have to say that I'm impressed with your lucid style. You've definitely got the writing chops and you do great formatting. And you write very long articles when you want to.

I've been around since middle of 2016. I didn't really do much with Steemit for months and then in December of 2016, I got a bit more time and effort to put into it. Lately, I've been on vacation, so I can do more commenting, more posting and I can see that over time, this can really pay. With consistent effort over time, even without using any outside money, this can grow very well.

I know what it is like to put my heart and soul into an article and get a few cents, maybe a few bucks. I think my best article brought in about 80SBD and that was so long ago.

Steemit requires consistent effort and exposure. It requires consistent communication with others to build rapport. I hate to say it, but people here tend to vote based on who they know, in addition to the quality of your work. In other words, if you're familiar, people tend to vote for you. If you're friends with Steemit benefits, then you have a follower. Near as I can tell that's how this works.

I learned by reading your article and the comments that bots are recommended, even by the whales. That's news to me and a bit of a surprise. I would expect that whales here would encourage manual curation for higher quality work, but I guess not. I'm not so sure we want bots automating voting and I've read several articles lamenting them and praising them.

As to your depression, I hope you are able to find a way to resolve that. I've never been depressed, well, I've never been diagnosed with depression as far I know. But I've known people who were depressed. I've known people who killed themselves with an overdose or other method. I know it's not easy.

I do know of people who found their way out of depression from support groups of one kind or another. I know of one who was able to stop taking meds after a few years working the 12-steps. I know that's not for everybody, but I've seen it work for some.

I also know that we really can't deal with our obsessions and/or depression alone. I know what it is like to isolate. I know what it is like to be alone for long periods of time. Humans are just not built do that. Every study of isolated confinement has shown this to be true (Just ask Papillon).

I know from personal experience that writing is therapeutic. Sharing that writing can be therapeutic, too. But deriving a benefit from sharing as you did, is difficult at best.

One thing that I do when I write, is I write first and do so without expectation. The joy is in the writing, not in the money. I write because I love what it does to my brain. If I'm thinking about the money, I'm not thinking about the writing, and vice versa. I just write into a sort of trance state, and write until I'm tired of writing and then see what I have to edit. Then I post.

I like what Mark Twain has to say on this subject of getting paid:

Write for free until someone pays you.

I write first to share, then if I get paid, well, that's a bonus.

Your post, your baby (I've had a few I'd call my baby, too), was so long it could have been broken into a series of articles. You'd generate more rewards with something like that. I'm planning on breaking the next one up if I find that I'm 3,000 words deep into an article.

I write early in the morning. While other people drink coffee to wake up, writing is what wakes me up. But sometimes I lose myself in the article. I lose track of time and my kids come looking for me when they wake up. Then I have to stop, work with them, go to work, and come back again. By the time I resume work on that article, I've had several ideas I can add to that article, and maybe even a few more for another article entirely.

One final thought, because this comment is turning into an article...

Social media in general, and Steemit in particular, is like a river. We look at our feed and we see a snapshot of a running river of information. We post an article and it flows down that river like a message in a bottle. If we're lucky, someone will pick it up and read it. We refresh the page and it loads a ton of new messages.

If Steemit is like a river, we want to post our article when that river is in flood because that's when people are looking, too.

I wish you all the best. I can empathize with your pain and hope that you can transform that pain into the creative power needed to continue on Steemit.

Write on.