as someone who was raised in a family that has many on going battles with mental illness I feel for you, I feel no matter what happened in the past you must forgive her in your heart... some people don't get to chose to be who they are. Mental illness is hell for everyone involved .

At 36 now I haven't spoken to my father in over 10 years and have barely spent a few days worth of time with him since I was about 12 years old. I had to forgive him and make peace with our past long ago or it would have forever haunted me. Once I did my own battles with my own chemical imbalances (anxiety/depression/diet etc) where so much easier to deal with as they were no longer getting triggered as often by the stress of him being mentioned or father/son stuff on TV etc. Years later now my chemical imbalance has less and less control over my life compared to the wreck I was before I had found the strength to forgive my father... and myself . It was neither of "our faults" and accepting that was a huge part of what allowed myself to start move forward in life.

Thank you for sharing yourself like that and I hope you found some peace through the process, I know it always helps me deal with life.

Love to you