To be honest, if my wife and I could only use one character from pop culture to be the model for who we want our children to be, Samwise Gamgee from The Lord of the Rings Trilogy might be the best choice.
"Be like Samwise".
He's honest, loyal, unselfish, brave, determined, and caring. He keeps his positive attitude even during the darkest times. He would never "drop any eves". He even knows the proper pronunciation of "Po-Tay-toh-s".
But we like to keep our lessons simple and focus on one aspect at a time. Because of Sam's traits, actions and accomplishments, he is our family's epitome of how to be a good friend.
I could go on forever about the merits of Samwise. Frodo is his friend. His friend is going on a perilous journey that will probably end in death. Of course he is going with... because it's a noble journey. Sam shows this courage and loyalty several other times throughout the story. At the council of Elrond he refuses to let Frodo go to Mordor without him. When Frodo leaves the Fellowship via boat, Sam jumps in the water to follow, even though HE CAN NOT SWIM! He physically protects Frodo on numerous occasions, cheers him up by talking about their home, encourages him not to give up, and maintains hope even when things seem their bleakest. Even when Frodo chooses a monster over his best friend, Sam does not abandon him. He returns to save him yet again.
But of course, the one moment that sums up what true friendship should be occurs when Frodo has grown too weak to make it up the mountain. He falls. He cannot go on. The world is doomed because of his failure. But friends don’t let their friends give up. They don’t let them fall. They pick them up.
Our family has read all of the books. We’ve listened to the radio drama. We've seen the extended cut of every film. In every form, Samwise’s strength, determination, courage, and love come shining through. Kids really respond well to visuals. Especially when the visuals are provided by a brilliant director like Peter Jackson. Our family has repeatedly watched the scene where an exhausted Samwise lifts his best friend onto his shoulders and slowly trudges up an erupting volcano toward certain doom. We have cried. We have discussed it. We have determined that this scene sums up true friendship.
Don’t worry, we aren’t teaching our children to mindlessly follow their friends. We point out that Sam is not a mindless follower. In fact, in many ways he’s actually the leader who keeps the pair moving forward toward their altruistic goal. He knows what his friend is doing is necessary. His friend is choosing to do what is right rather than what is easy… so he will help him as much as he can. It’s not like his friend is jumping off of a bridge (oh wait, he does almost do that… but you get the point).
I’m not sure if my son thinks about this lesson or this scene on a daily basis or if he’s just a naturally good kid who would act the way he does even if he never heard of Lord of The Rings, but he’s a great friend.
There is a boy at my son’s school named John. John is on the Autism spectrum. John is very high functioning. In fact when we were kids, a student like John probably wouldn’t have a label at all. He would just be the quirky kid who gets frustrated, angry and violent sometimes. But label or no label, 1982 or 2018, it can be tough for a quirky kid.
John sometimes gets frustrated by little things like having his earbuds accidentally tugged on or having to deviate from his normal routine. When things like this happen, John gets loud and sometimes mildly violent. Teachers have a hard time pairing up John with other students.
John doesn’t have many friends.
But he knows he has one.
John is my son’s best friend.
The school makes sure that John and my son are always in the same class. My son helps John. When it comes time for group work, my son is always teamed with John. When John starts to get angry, my son tries to calm him down. When John is nervous, my son jokes with him and sets him at ease. When John feels lonely, my son plays with him. When John wants to be alone, my son gives him his space. When John gets so angry that he physically lashes out and accidentally hits my son… my son forgives him.
My son is honest, loyal, unselfish, brave, determined, and caring.
My son is a good friend.
And I am a proud dad.