If you've been on this site for more than a few months then you've seen the plague that is SPAM.
When I first started in October 2016 there really wasn't much of it.
However, about 6 to 8 months ago a huge rush of users came onboard the platform.
We started seeing a new type of comment.
Source: Pixabay.com
You're probably thinking....
"Wow SPAM sounds really cool.... How do I get involved?"
Well you're in luck today.
I've created a list of all the things you need to know in order to write an excellent SPAM comment.
1 - Make sure to comment immediately after a post is submitted.
There's nothing on this world that anyone likes more than spending two hours creating a detailed post full of great jokes, stories, pictures, and most of all TIME only to have you, the user, post exactly one second afterward.
No need to read anything. Just hit that reply button.
2 - Don't reference the content of the post at all.
For example, if I write a story about a detective that goes on a crime spree in order to impress his ex-wife, a good SPAM comment would be......
"Nice fiction." or "Your story is impressive."
It's just ambiguous enough to make someone think that maybe you really did read their story. After all, ambiguity is what you're absolutely after on this site.
3 - Make sure to use incredibly odd wording and incoherent grammar.
I love to get a comment that says something like this.
"You are to be making the for me the excellence of words. It is the which is quite honoring to receive such a submit. I thank you again."
Now you see there? It sounds pleasant but I have no idea what you're talking about. When it comes to SPAM that's exactly what you looking for.
4 - Make sure to include a bunch of random praise that has nothing to do with the content of the post.
I think this is my favorite kind of SPAM comment.
"You are most excellent author. Please teach me your words so that I may be like you as well. If I have good choice to be gifted then I will be like you."
Once again this is ambiguous because I have no idea if you read my post, but I'm quite certain that you didn't.
Everybody loves to be praised like this.......especially when it's completely random praise that has nothing to do with who I am as a person or as an author, but simply a stream of compliments that could come from absolutely any source and be about absolutely anything.
5 - Be a Parrot.
I obviously like what I wrote. If I didn't, then I wouldn't have written it.
What better way for me to like your comment then by just taking something that I wrote and parroting it back to me?
For example, if I wrote......
"He wasn't a very good detective after all."
You might want to write....
"He wasn't very good detective after all. 
In this way you are basically parroting back what I already said but also including my name and an ambiguous comment .
Source: Giphy.com
Now obviously there are two types of SPAM comments.
There are the Bots, which are already way ahead of the game.
No matter how hard you try, you can never be as good as a BOT. Trust me, I know.
I once had a girlfriend leave me for a Transformer...... of sorts.
This post isn't meant for the BOTs though,
It is meant for the manual SPAM curators.
You know who I mean.........Those hard working SPAMinators whose job is never finished until they have left a stream of annoying and enticing words behind.
The question is......are you as good as they are?
You will be soon after reading this guide on.....
How to write a good SPAM comment.
