Do you know how in a marriage that many people feel that they can not communicate with their spouse? Communication can either cement a relationship together or it can tear apart its foundation.
Read on to learn how to avoid the five communication mistakes.
- Character Assassination
Many couples use their words like bullets directed toward the heart of their mate. They say things like, "You are such a baby, and you never grow up." Another one I hear is: "You are so stupid. I wish I never married you."
Remember to attack the issue and not your mate.
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- Yelling
I teach couples that when the yelling begins communication ends. If your emotions start getting heated, it is a good time to take a break. It will be more productive if you wait and revisit the issue later.
- The Ice Storm
Some people withdraw and use the silent treatment when they are angry. This also ends communication and nothing is resolved. Even though you may need some time to think about how to discuss an issue, do it as soon as possible.
- He Said, She Said
This is a "lose-lose" battle. Couples get into an argument about the argument. They disagree on who said what, how, when, and where.
This is one time you are not going to convince your spouse that you are right. At this point you have to agree to disagree about the event and start working on the issue.
- The "D" Word
The "D" word is not a curse word; it's divorce. If you keep bringing up the word divorce, you will create a lack of trust and security. Your partner may feel that working on the marriage is pointless if you have all ready decided to leave.
Some communication styles become habits that are deeply ingrained. You can still change these habits and improve your marriage. If you are having trouble resolving communication problems on your own, you may benefit from counseling or relationship coaching.
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Do you know how many couples use belittling and name-calling in their marriage. This style of communication causes deep wounds and erode the foundation of a relationship. Read on to discover how to use the power of positive words to release life into your relationship and strengthen its foundation.
Positive words have power to release life and love into your marriage and strengthen the foundation. Affirmation is one way to use positive words in your relationship
Jack and Donna's Story
Jack and Donna were consumed with each other's character faults. When they came to counseling, they could only see the negative traits because of the pain and anger.
In order to head off a divorce, I explained the power of affirmation. Initially, they were not able to find any positive traits about each other. With a lot of prompting, Donna was able to come up with the fact that Jack was a good provider. Jack said that Donna liked children.
These things were pretty basic. However, it was a start. With time, they were able to think of more positive character qualities and it became easier. This had a ripple effect in their marriage. They began to look for positives instead of negatives.
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Teaching an old dog new tricks
In another situation, I was explaining to a couple the importance of speaking positive words to each other. The man told me, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." I responded that, "I did not realize that I was talking to an old dog."
I also explained how the benefits of affirmation included more peace at home, a happier wife, and a better love life. A few months later the old dog had learned new tricks. Their marriage had improved and both of them were happier with the relationship.
Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.
You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.
Marriage is not something to give you the impression that once you have your wedding rings on your fingers, you can forget about all the effort you have put in getting to this point. Many people get married only to fill up formalities, or out of convenience. Some are meant to last until death do they part, others fight over whom to sign the divorce papers first.
Anyways, let's get back to the reason why you are reading this article. No matter how strong the love that brought you together has been, there still are some things that come out of the closet when you least expect it. All the small and apparently insignificant issues you strongly believe you can get over add up as years go by. You then find yourselves on a mined ground and any step you take might be fatal to your marriage.
Learn to see the signs before it's too late!
Being married must not exclude sex appeal and/or romantic gestures between you and your spouse. You are still human and need these attentions in your lives just as much as you've been craving for them before being a married couple. Living under the same roof and having the same name does not change that! If you are able to depict the signs that are telling you that minor acts can and eventually will degenerate into irreparable flaws, then you may consider throwing the 50 years anniversary of your happy marriage.
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Maintain a balance between routine activities and the "spice" in your couple. If you have children, make sure they get the proper education, love and affection, but do not let them take over your lives. Make time for the two of you and your intimacy.
Communication is the key to a healthy marriage!
If things have already started to slowly get out of control, it is high time you and your spouse had an honest conversation bout what is bothering you and try to come to a reasonable solution. I am pretty sure that you can find it if you work as a team, not as combatants.
Never forget to be inventive and to maintain your spouses' interest in you!
Self respect and the respect for your soul mate is also a very important aspect that tends to lose its intensity in time. Even if you have reached a point of maximum trust and you think you know everything about each other, do not forget that you are two different individuals that sooner or later can emit critical judgments towards each other.
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Since you have reached this point, you must be one of the many unhappy couples in the country. It is not meant to comfort you, but you are not the only ones having trouble in deciding whether a divorce is the last and best thing to do regarding your marriage or not. You are still giving it a second thought and, this time, you start to believe it's best to try to stop your divorce.
This is a positive thought to start with. Many married couples carry on with their failed marriage because of the children, or because of certain advantages they get by staying together. It is abnormal and sooner or later, their castle of cards will fall down.
Let's make a brief analyze of both situation:
You and your spouse no longer get along with each other, but you have one, two, three children to care for. You are giving your best not to let them notice your problems, but, how long to you think that is going to last? How will you even be able to take care of your children and provide them the best education within a healthy environment if you are living a lie?
In the second case, you don't even form a couple, you have an agreement. Your partnership ends by the time your common interests fade away. Wouldn't it have been easier for you to find a more reasonable solution for this partnership? You may have skipped the best part of your lives living in a different lie.
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It seems that staying true to each other is the key ingredient for a healthy marriage. Honesty, understanding, support and communication don't come as a surprise when talking about growing old together and holding each others' hands in the park.
Easy to say, hard to apply! All the couples who encounter marital problems seem to have turned at least one of those values into simple, meaningless words. Depending on how willing to switch things back to normal you are and also how much time has passed since you have first noticed the bad changes, your marriage can be saved or not.
Sometimes at least one of you discovers that he/se is better off alone and intends the divorce. If there is no turning back, f you can no longer settle a common ground on communicating to your spouse, then, unfortunately, divorce really is the best way out of your misery. Don't panic! There is life AFTER the divorce as well, and it can be quite a good one too.
Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.
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