The beginning:
At first you are all like happy and just fine, living your life like everyone else, Waking up every day you go to work, school or what ever your daily commitments are after that you go home take a rest and start all over again the next day, for me I thought that's what life is all about, that's what are we supposed to do, work your butt off for hours to get a minute of happiness, I see people around accepting the same faith as me you would think that people are different than each other but no we are pretty much the same, we all want the same thing but it's rapped in different ways, have different colors, but the inside is the same for everyone, and that's natural because we are all humans after.
The questioning phase:
After observing what's happening around me I started questioning life and let me tell you that's the biggest mistake of life, suddenly things don't add up, don't make sense or sometimes plain ridiculous and unfair, I found my self unsatisfied of the work hours for a minute of salvation concept, I WANT MORE.
I'm was a high school student at the time, in a country like you ether know someone in the high ups or your education that will grant you a decent life, my family is poor and we don't know any one in the high ups so education was my only way out of the poverty I'm in, some people say that poor people are the happiest, I say don't let them full ain't nothing happy about struggling to pay the bills and rent and watch your parents sacrifice to give you money for education.
Every day I ask why are we not equals? I'm poor, I see a rich family and I feel like crap, why they have a better life than me? Is it my fault to be born in such poverty? The more I question the more my mental state went down hill, Depression started to get his grips on me slowly...
Life as I know it changed as I know it:
As a result of moving to new place, I didn't adapt with the new environment and became isolated to society which made my depression worst, I lost all interest in everything, I used to like going out,not any more, I used to play football, not anymore, I used to have good grades, well not anymore, people started ignoring me because of sadist behavior, I can't blame them though...I was a mess and people started making me angry with their stupid comments like "grow up!" "depression HA! your just a wuss" "You will die alone"
I bottled all that crap inside, and it kept getting worst and worst every day, It felt like the whole world ganged up on me, I couldn't trust anyone anymore, "everyone is my enemy" I said to my self.
days passed, months, years....I reached a critical point then it happened, I failed my "BAC" exam (It's a graduation exam, failing means game over where I come from)
Breaking point:
When I saw the result I knew my life is over, the exam was my only way out and I blew it, My parents showed their real colors and started to tell me how they regret having me and how of a failure I'm.
I had enough and all what I have bottled up though out the years is about to blow up on someone, using what have left of my sanity I ran out out side, went to the forest in a hope to calm my self up, I started breathing heavily, some old man passed by me and after seeing my face he started walking faster, I could tell the look on face wasn't what you would expect it to be, And just my luck some thug came behind and put a knife on my back and threatened to stab me if I didn't give him my phone, Of cours I'm too poor to own one, And I mentally was in no shape to work things out in a safe way, All I remember is a made an unusual move that confused him for a second last thing I know I stabbed him, I sat there crying my eyes out after that laughing, I was loosing it, soon after the cops came and took as both, luckily his injury wasn't serious and my act was self defense so I got out of it free.
Redemption:
After the incident I locked my self up in my room and started to use the pc more (my uncle bought it for us, it's old and crappy) that helped keep my sanity at level, then I learned some skills like Photoshop, I started the remember all the happy things I used to do in the past like how I was funny and how I made people laugh, And how good it felt too see them smile, then it hit me hard, I figured out why I was not happy.