People who start out loving each other sometimes find themselves so burdened by stress and difficulty that they end up feeling frustrated in the relationship. ... Sometimes frustration is a slammed door, or a sigh. It's a sign of exasperation from the frustrated person to the other telling them something is very wrong.
What is Frustration?
Frustration is The feeling of annoyance when one's actions are criticized or hindered.
OR
It's an Anger not directed at anything or anyone in particular...
Frustration is a feeling mostly associated with the lack of goal achievement. In terms of relationships, this can manifest when two people have different or competing goals.
If you both want different things, you'll find yourselves moving apart until, gradually, frustration begins to creep in. Whether it's a goal to buy a home together, what to eat for dinner or whether or not to have children; whatever your relationship goals, it's essential you both share them as a common goal.
Consider frustration as a sign that something isn't quite right in your relationship, and use it to motivate you to make changes. If you let things slide in the frustration stage, you could end up losing confidence in yourself and your relationship, and this, in turn, leads to increased frustration and ultimately, anger.
No one starts out being frustrated. Frustration comes after being unhappy, sometimes for a long time. Often, couples with the best intentions end up not being able to explain themselves to each other, or they won’t say what they really want to say, and as a result they feel tense, stressed and oftentimes frustrated.
Frustration can appear in many ways. It may come out as a curt answer to a question. Maybe it’s a rolling of the eyes, or a “whatever” response to a partner, or no response at all. Frustration can also be felt when one person ignores the other altogether.
Sometimes frustration is a slammed door, or a sigh. It’s a sign of exasperation from the frustrated person to the other telling them something is very wrong. It also broadcasts unhappiness and discontent. And it’s a problem. It keeps the frustrated person trapped in difficulty and leaves the other partner in the dark regarding the source of the problem.
What would be helpful is to discover how to talk about what doesn’t feel good in the relationship. Unfortunately, this is often difficult for couples who have not communicated with each other for a while.
If you find yourself answering your mate with frustrated gestures, you might want to think about what is happening to you. I am sure you did not start out being unfriendly to your beloved. I am pretty sure you used to have very soft, loving responses in the early days. Maybe as time passed you found yourself unable to express your thoughts and feelings to your partner without worrying how he or she might react. It’s possible you may even have started keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself, not wanting to bother your mate. But the more you kept your thoughts and feelings inside without speaking them, the more you might have felt yourself becoming stressed and uncomfortable.
This is the body’s natural response to too much tension. This tension is a clear message about what it feels like when you can’t express yourself and you keep your feelings inside. You might have a sensation of all your feelings being trapped inside your own body and you can’t let them out, like you are frozen. You keep yourself suppressed and you suffer. At first you might be able to manage your increased stress. Maybe you exercise more or take up an activity. Maybe you yell at the kids instead or a co-worker. Perhaps you overindulge; too much alcohol, drugs, or food. You do what ever you can to find ways of letting off steam and tension.
This helps you survive difficulty and maintain, but it doesn’t help repair the problems between you and your mate. The more you figure out how to manage your challenges, the more you might be looking at your partner with disdain. You may start to believe that he or she just doesn’t care about what you think and feel. That’s when people start with the one word answers, or the disinterest, or the shaking of the head. These behaviors tell the other person you are not interested in them. These reactions indicate that you are unhappy.
If you are unhappy in your relationship, take stock of how you are feeling right now. Ask yourself, “Am I stressed and unable to talk to my partner about what is bothering me?” If you answer yes, start looking at the ways you do talk to your mate. Are you short and abrasive? Do you dismiss him or her? Do you just not bother because you don’t think anything will change?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you just might be living with frustration.
So how do you change your situation? You just took the first step; you recognized it. From here you might want to talk to someone: a friend, family member, religious mentor, or counselor. Get your long held feelings from inside yourself outside of your head by communicating them. Try to understand what is preventing you from talking to your mate about these feelings. Learn why you stay silent.
You will likely feel better even after just a few sessions. You could also learn different ways to communicate your feelings that may give you confidence. When you leave your old behaviors – the eye rolling, sarcastic responses, non answers – and replace them with true expressions of your feelings, a number of things might also happen. Your stress and tension may decrease, and it’s possible you might even begin to experience some happiness, and that might feel pretty great.
How Frustration can be dealt with?
What to do;
1: Stop frustration before it starts. Arrange your thoughts and get a strong hold on a clear perspective before you begin interacting with your partner. Never approach your partner at the height of your frustration. Practice breathing and stress-reduction techniques. When you feel yourself becoming frustrated, close your eyes, breathe deeply and calm yourself.
2: Make a habit of asking yourself "Will this be important next week?" when you become frustrated. If the answer is "No," you should feel your frustration deflate and be able to calm down.
3: Laugh. Nothing defuses a situation like humor. Tell your partner to make a silly face when he notices you're getting frustrated. The sight will make you laugh and calm down.
Frustration might occur probably when your partner gets tired of the relationship or when he/she is stressed out.
Experiencing Frustration at some point in time is not abnormal, as a Human being we tend to always carry out a particular Emotion day in day out.
It's either Happiness, Anger, Jealousy, Hatred, Love, Sadness, E.t.c.
Do you blame your spouse for frustration No.
You got to understand your spouse and communicate and also know how to calm or change your partner's Emotion that's the best way to ensure a successful Marriage or Relationship.
Identify the source of Frustration:
Step 1
Ask yourself why you are frustrated. Avoid blaming it on the nearest person or the situation that's freshest in your mind. Be honest with yourself.
Step 2
Pinpoint the exact source of your frustration. Don't personalize it. Don't tell your partner, "You are so frustrating." Instead, tell her, "It frustrates me when you don't call before leaving work."
Step 3
Don't let your frustration cause you to make a laundry list of unrelated grievances. If you are frustrated with your partner for forgetting something you discussed earlier, focus on that. Avoid getting off the subject and you can more effectively address the source of your frustration.
Self-examination
Step 1
Ask yourself how your behavior could help ease your frustration. If your partner consistently forgets to load the dishwasher, for example, resolve to simply do it yourself or put up a little sign beside her toothbrush to remind her.
Step 2
Get active. Sweat out your frustration, especially if you know it's trivial. Small daily frustrations are normal and don't have to be a big deal. When you feel yourself becoming too frustrated to communicate effectively, go for a run or hit the gym and pump some iron.
Step 3
Ask your friends and family to help you identify traits you need to work on. For example, if you are naturally impatient, you're probably more prone to frustration. Work on being more patient, less quick to judge and more understanding.
Step 4
Remember that your relationship is important to you. You are half of it and thus half responsible for whether it is healthy and successful. Put your relationship ahead of your desire to make a snarky comment or pick a fight.
Act:
Step 1
Brainstorm a list of possible solutions with your partner. Don't think about whether they're feasible now. Just write as the ideas come.
Step 2
Focus on fixing the situation and keeping your relationship healthy. Visualize the outcome you want and set your sights on getting there. Accept that there will be pitfalls along the way.
Step 3
Stay positive and upbeat. Don't let your frustration come between you and your partner or change your relationship. Don't allow yourself to consider the possibility that the problem can't be fixed
Causes of Frustration:
1:. A — You're super "angry."
If your attempts to achieve your shared goals (or personal goals) are constantly thwarted, frustration often grows into anger. The goal could be something simple like walk the dogs before it rains, but if you're other goals felt derailed all day, this simple little task (also) not being done as hoped might be all it takes for an outburst of anger.
Problems arise in relationships when multiple frustrations layer up on top of one another. You're on a collision course, and whilst anger can help motivate us to make changes, it more often than not results in destructive behavior which is unhelpful.
For example, when you're angry, you're more likely to engage in other destructive behavior (e.g. disrespecting your partner in public, to your friends and family, etc.) You'll deliberately rock the already shaky foundations of your relationship because you're so irritated.
If you've reached the angry stage in your relationship, it really is time to take stock. Use this energy to redefine your common goals before the relationship flatlines.
- I — "insecurity" is eating away at you.
If you've experienced excessive anger in your relationship (either from or towards your partner), you'll gradually begin to "opt-out" of it.
You'll distance yourself from confrontation and lose confidence in your position within the relationship. You'll begin to second guess your partner, you might experience feelings of insecurity, jealousy, paranoia, and you'll feel more and more out of control.
Your relationship goals will slip further away, too. If you feel insecure, you're reactions to those feelings will create more frustration and anger, thus leading to more fights. Then, you're in a definite downward spiral.
If you're at the insecurity stage, then things are critical. The key step here is redefining YOUR goals and regain control of your self-image.
What do I want? How can I achieve it ? These are the questions to ask yourself here.
- L — you feel so "lonely."
Insecurity, if left to its own devices, inevitably leads to loneliness. The frustration and anger you felt earlier drove a wedge between you both. You've likely stopped being intimate with each other. Perhaps you've even stopped talking to each other.
It's essential to confront the problem in your relationship now. Deal with them and move forward. Failure to do so might leave you sharing the same house, but not really the same life. Lots of couples fall out of love gradually to such a degree that even when they're in the same room together, they both feel completely isolated and lonely.
If you've reached the loneliness stage, it might be too late to make your relationship work well again. Only you can decide if the relationship is terminal at this point. The important thing is that you decide to take action rather than letting the loneliness persist.
Yet poorly managed frustration is toxic to relationships. It causes a build-up of resentment that—even when over only small things—can ultimately overwhelm any desire to relate in a positive fashion. And no one likes living in a perpetual state of annoyance or anger (no matter how much it may seem like they do).
But frustration often takes on a life of its own in relationships. We all possess triggers that outside influences (i.e., people) can pull without our being able to stop them, bringing to life parts of ourselves from whom we'd rather not hear, but who we often have no apparent power to silence. Trying to suppress or ignore frustration seems only to make it worse, often causing us to magnify the import of whatever complaint we have against whomever frustrated us. We then often find ourselves typecasting the offending person into a black-and-white caricature of themselves: they become entirely self-centered, entirely insensitive, and entirely over-entitled. In one fell swoop we lose sight of everything good within them. And from this perspective arises a significantly increased risk for voicing hurtful words or taking dramatic action which we later bitterly regret.
Feeling grateful in response to such self-prompting while in the midst of feeling frustration, however, often is. Yet it's precisely at those times that gratitude becomes most valuable—as a distraction. For just as distracting ourselves from a tempting piece of pie will more likely enable us to avoid eating it than trying to suppress our urge to do so, so too distracting ourselves from our frustration by focusing our attention instead on something we appreciate about the person who's frustrated us will work better than trying to outright suppress or ignore it.
How to best summon up a feeling of gratitude for someone? By vividly imagining the ultimate consequence of expressing our greatest frustration in the most negative way: having the person vacate our lives entirely. If we can really wrap our minds around this possibility, fully imagining then freeing ourselves not just from the "bad" but from the "good" as well, we just may be able to generate a strong enough feeling of appreciation to override our feelings of frustration.
Of course, getting control over our frustrated outbursts is often far harder than the above would imply. Yet if we can cultivate an attitude of gratitude in general, reminding ourselves on a daily basis of different things for which we're grateful about the people who populate the most intimate parts of our lives, we may find ourselves better prepared to call upon that gratitude to help us control our frustration at crucial moments. And even more importantly, enjoy not just our relationships more, but also ourselves.
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