I just had an amazing phone call with a dear friend from Germany. She was worried about what’s going on with me. Which is totally understandable. Because I’m doing things I haven’t done before. Especially letting go of my whole actress identity. You were always going for it. Never taking time off. Maybe you just needed a break. That’s what she said. As well as other people who reached out.
The thing is for me it didn’t feel like a cut. Not at all. I’m still me. I’m still Clarissa. The misunderstanding which took place here is related to my identity. People only saw me as the actress. That’s the only thing I was for them. As it seems. Of course, I was nurturing this image of me with social media. I was doing an acting job here, a networking event there, a screening, a play, film festival visit, a stunt class for actors, meeting acting friends, etc. My whole world was related to acting. Of course it was, on the outside. On the inside, I was still me, the Clarissa who loves exploring herself and the world. Growing and learning. Applying things I learned in acting to my life, and things I learned in life to my acting. When I went to networking events, my goal wasn’t meeting this one producer who will give me a lead role. My goal was to be present and enjoy myself with whomever I’m meeting there. Surrounding me with good people. And there are a lot of them in the film business, even though they say there are all fake. People in the film business have to have some compassion. Not only some, actually a lot. They are storytellers. They want to hold a mirror to the world about what’s going on or what’s going wrong. And yes, there is the other side, fake side, materialistic side, as well, but I didn’t focus on that.
Long story short. Acting was just a tool for me to explore myself and eventually find myself. To be fully myself, with my strengths and weaknesses. And be able to share them. In front of the camera or behind it.
This world we’re living in, especially this social media/digital world, is very dangerous. We can get caught up in labeling people by only seeing their polished side. Or one specific side. Everyone has so many sides. Hundreds of different sides. That’s what acting taught me. I can be whoever I want to be. I can hate or love everyone. I can be an ambitious doctor, an uptight teacher, a cold killer, a depressed housewive, a caring friend, a proud mother, a perfect daughter. Anything. And, of course, not only me. Everyone can. So we have thousands of identities to chose from. OR, we chose not to pick any of them. We just are ourselves. Without any labeling. Until we feel we want one again. And then let it go again. Haha.
Am I sounding too philosophical? I’m playing the philosopher role then. Whatever. This phone call gave me a lot of clarity. About the discrepancy between what people were thinking what was going on with me and what was my reality.
I hope this gave you clarity as well.
By the way, my name means clarity. A lot of clarity.
Here you go. Clarity role.
Thanks for reading.