This Is Scary

For many years now I have not really enjoyed my job at all. It has become a prison to me, I have become so dependent on the income that I felt like I was stuck. I had become so miserable working there, that it effected every aspect of my life. Now on the first day of not working at the same job I have had for 15 years now, I am happy, and feel relief, but at the same time I am feeling scared and sad. See I didn't just quite today because I couldn't take it today, I did it because I get the feeling that my boss does not want me to work for them anymore as well. When you keep getting that same feeling over and over again it certainly adds to overall feeling of not wanting to work there. Now my boss and the people I work with are wonderful people, they are kind and patient. A very giving sort that want me to be happy, so today I had to be honest and let them know I just don't want to do this kind of work anymore. A part of me feels like I have let everyone down and a part of me feels finally free.

Were It All Started!

Now like I said, the feeling of not wanting to work as a locksmith anymore started years ago. I would have to say it all started about four years back on august 7th 2013. On that day I was practicing martial arts in a park with my school, and I was doing a movement I had not done before. It required me to jump and turn in a direction I normally do not do. I landed and short story, I blew out my A.C.L. on my left knee. At the time I did not know I had injured my knee that bad, cause I got up a few minutes later. I went home after that, relaxed for a little bit and went to bed. I woke up in the morning and could not move. I was in so much pain oh my god it really sucked! Now I'm going to take you back even farther into my past, and this will explain why the knee injury was more detrimental then just a knee injury. When I was 24 I got into a motor cycle accident, I broke my right leg below the knee. The car that ran into me crushed my leg against the motor cycle, and then I flew off the bike. My leg was really the only injury I suffered. I had four surgeries on this leg, they put a titanium rod in the core of my bone. They put a muscle from left leg into my right leg, and skin graphs. This all happened before I became a locksmith, and after I healed I wanted to do something I felt I would enjoy. For eleven years I really enjoyed being a locksmith, then I blew out my knee. With an already bad right leg, blowing out my knee made everything so much harder to do. Just walking was a damn chore, and I began to hate the job due to the pain it caused. Everything about the job became so much more tedious and at the end of each day I was left exhausted.

Just Making It Worse!

A few weeks after I blew out mt knee, I had a surgery to repair the ACL. It took a week before I could stand on it to some degree, and my work was getting upset that I still could not go back to work. See in my mind it was amazing that I even went back to work when I did. Just two weeks after surgery I was back to work, doing physical labor for eight hours a day. For me just getting in and out of the van I used to do my calls was exhausting. The only reason I was able to do it was because I took Oxicodone for the pain. Every month for 3 months I would get a refill to help with the pain. After three months the refills stopped and I had to deal with the pain. I worked without pain killers for about two months, and then I was about to quit. I felt like shit every day, I would get off work and want to die! Then it dawned on me, I had heard of this place called pain management. I could go there and see what they could do for me, and I was not disappointed. They gave me 90 5mg oxicodone pills for one month. That is 3 pills a day, every day for a month! Now I could keep working and everything would be fine. Nope!!! Three years into the future and an addiction to boot. I now have gotten off those fucking pills and I am moving on with my life. The last part of the insane puzzle was letting go this job. I had to let go to move forward in my life, and it feels so good to be free. I know I will have to get another job asap, but for now I will enjoy my step backwards in order to truly move forward moment! Like I said in a couple post now I want to do this full time. I want to get better at this in every way possible, and I believe I will. So the moral of the story is that sometimes you have to go backwards in life or let go of things, to truly move forward in life. I have more to do on this planet then just change locks, and have a boss. I am the boss of my life now, and I have hopes, dreams, and plans to make some kind of difference in this life. I have been in cozy land for far to long and its time to push myself to be the best version of me that I can be.

In Conclusion

I believe I have found what I want to do in this life at the moment, and I hope that with hard work and determination I can make my plans become reality! There is allot to learn, when it comes to getting peoples attention so that they hear what you have to say. For me this is not about being popular, I don't want to be know for the sake of being known. I want to teach people about life, I want help those in need on a grander scale. I know I have way of looking at the world, a way of dealing with the ups and down that could benefit many people. I will continue to express my knowledge, as much as I can here in steemit and to the world at large. I am humble enough to know that it will take time for me to gain followers, I will just continue to be honest, and compassionate with complete consistency. I also am able to take criticisms as well, I find that it helps me to be a better person. Being able to admit when you are wrong is not a weakness but a strength. A sword is made by hammering out the imperfections.If one cannot be corrected they are doomed to be incorrect. I am and always will be a work in progress, and use a balanced approach to almost everything I do in my life. I will end by saying that in the end if you do not have love and kindness in your life, you are missing the point or meaning of life for all human kind! Good night or day were ever you may be, and may your life be filled with joy!

With Love: @Tiandao(Heavens Blade)