UPDATE: - As it turns out, edits had absolutely NOTHING to do with this issue, and I can't apologize profusely enough, everyone. This whole thing was completely my own fault, and I regret posting this without doing my research and waiting for help to arrive to help me look into this. I thought I had it figured out.
You won't see this kind of behavior from me again.

Therefore, what I would like to do with any earnings that I create with this thread is simply to

GIVE IT ALL AWAY.

If you replied to this thread from the time it was created until 2:26PM Central Time,

I am going to split every transferrable dollar evenly to everyone here.

I promised to serve this community and be human to the people I encounter here, and therefore in this scenario, I feel that would be the best course of action.

See you at payout, everybody.

EDIT: At this rate, with losing votes and garnering downvotes for this (which I'm not complaining about, I'd be doing it too), there may not be much left to divide up, but even if I can only give you guys pennies, I'm doing it.