Sexy Lingerie, Self Esteem and Personal Growth

I can recall my ex-husband coming to me at one point, a few months after our divorce and asking what underwear I was wearing on that particular day.

This may seem like a somewhat inappropriate question - being that he was my ex, but we are all adults here and the reality of the situation as ANY two people who have been married will know – is that there is a connection of some sort that will forever remain… be it intimate, platonic or whatever.

me towards the end of our marriage

(For those that don’t know) My husband and I were together for eight years. There were many good times, but there were a lot more bad. I have blogged about a lot of that in my early days here on Steemit and I don’t care to get into it again… but in the interests of perspective for this particular post… I am going to make mention of a small fraction…

When I was approx. 6 months pregnant, I made the decision to start working from home as opposed to at our shop. I was doing the clients design work so it was possible for me to communicate via email and a lot easier for me to do such. In this time that I was away, he began having an affair with one of our customers. When it came down to the crunch two months after my sons birth – he walked out on us and pursued his relationship with her. We got divorced and that was the end of that. Yes, that is the very short version lol!

This was Jude and I probably days after he had walked out

I can remember the words of my father… ”mark my words my girl, I give him 6 months and he will be begging at your door – and don’t you DARE let him in”

Well as sure as apples fall off trees, it was almost 6 months to the day! he started messaging me telling me about all the problems he was having with “her” because she just “didn’t want to communicate about things with him” …

This was the part in the story where I got to enjoy a little bit of a karma laugh….

Ok ok, not the point. … moving along – I actually spent many afternoons with him in person advising him on their intimate relations as well as their relationship in general… yes, yes, I know – my friends shook their heads at me too - but hey – if we can’t forgive and move on, then what good are we?!

This was me at approx. that time... you can see I am not happy - but you CAN see the transformation starting... well I can anyway lol

Anyhooooooo….. so this “underwear” question came up!

Interestingly enough and having had to “process” my own hurts simultaneously… I had reached a point one day where feeling and looking like SHIT was no longer “doing it” for me! I had a good STERN talking to “myself” in the mirror and made a plan to get my act together! One of the first things I went out and did, was get a new wardrobe! – and that included new lingerie! Lol

I realised, that feeling sexy had absolutely NOTHING to do with ANY man! But had EVERYTHING to do with how I FELT about MYSELF! That moment was a Fncking REVELATION I tell you! No matter HOW CRAPPY I felt emotionally when I opened my eyes in the morning, I started making an effort to start making an effort! and after a little while, not only did it get noticed by others but I began to notice it myself – I was not only “looking good”, but I was FEELING good too!

I can remember this time in my life SO vividly! I felt like a dead flower being brought back to life!

There are relative degrees of EGO yes, but developing a healthy level of love, respect and appreciation for yourself is an entirely separate thing and is absolutely essential to each and every one of us!

Getting back to the ”What underwear are you wearing” question that was flipped in my direction by my ex – I laughed and responded with “Well, that really is none of your business – but I did just go and buy a whole array of new lingerie”

The response I got was
“Well all I have to look at here is granny panties”…

And that was yet another moment when I giggled to myself and thought,
“sigh – karma…. You BEAUT!”
You HAD a wife you dipshit! You cast her one side for a floozy who rejected you in the end anyway!

The primary difference between my ex and I now…
is that I have completely gotten over him and he has not.

Oh the circle of life...

I can recall my mother telling me to “never chase after a man” – and you know… whilst I heard those words in my 20’s and perhaps even into my early 30’s – I don’t think I ever really stopped to THINK about WHY she was telling me that!

As I stand here now at 38, I know! I will NEVER chase after a man!

Ladies, If a man wants you… like really wants you – then it is up to HIM to pursue you! And if he doesn’t… then he didn’t really want you to begin with ;) It really IS that simple!

A few years down the line and feeling like a human being again

Oh, and boys – the sexy underwear IS NOT always for you! IT is for OURSELVES TOO!!!! MKAY

It is a wonderful place to sit now, knowing a little bit more than I did when I was younger… Thank you mom and dad for those lessons! We are all SO quick to be "wise" in conversation - but taking a moment to listen to the knowledge and experience of those who have crossed our current bridges and a few others already would stand us ALL in very good stead! At the very least, we can be selective with the information imparted!

I hope that I can also return the favour to my son...
and that he listens, when it counts...

……

Until next time...
Much Love from Cape Town, South Africa xxx