Let us see if I can make a decent enough movie review... It will not be positive or a nice one. There is only one Poirot and his name is David Suchet. Sure, we all have a right to our opinion and taste preferences but some things you just do not do. You do not play with my Poirot. Yes, I said my, lol... Anyway, there will be just a small spoiler alert and it will be clearly marked so you can skip when you see that subtitle and read the rest of the post if you have not seen the movies or read the books.
In 2017, they made a movie called Murder on the Orient Express based on the Agatha Christies book by the same title. I have just seen the movie recently because every fiber of my being was protesting seeing it. I am weird like that and strongly believe in the following:
Do not try to fix
what is not broken!
I already had issues with other remakes such as Pride and Prejudice but this Poirot movie really pissed me off even more. Remakes in general with a different cast set are just completely bonkers to me and I see no reason to waste money on making them but hey, I know, some people like them and who am I to judge, I know, I know, I should stop complaining...
but I won't
BASIC INFO
Director: Kenneth Branagh
Main actor: Kenneth Branagh
Length: 1h 54min
Genre: Crime, Drama, Mystery
Production: 20th Century Fox
Screenplay: Michael Green
Based on: the novel by Agatha Christie
When I see that director and the main actor are the same person, it does give me some clues about the movie but I will let that slide this time and focus on something else, the utter disaster this movie is. Subjectively, of course.
Some background...
Agatha Christie wrote 33 novels and 54 short stories about Hercule Poirot. She was outsold only by the Bible and the Shakespeare and that says a lot. I have read them all and I still enjoy reading them again. I have also seen all of the episodes that David stared in as Poirot. In my mind, he was the one and only, the ultimate and true personification of that character. Even the Christie family acknowledged him and has great respect for his acting, and why would they not? The guy read all the books while preparing for the role. Did Branagh read all the books? I think not. Agatha Christie's Poirot series had 13 series and 70 episodes in total with each episode adapted from a novel or short story by Christie.
"What I did was, I had my file on one side of me and a pile of stories on the other side and day after day, week after week, I plowed through most of Agatha Christie's novels about Hercule Poirot and wrote down characteristics until I had a file full of documentation of the character. And then it was my business not only to know what he was like, but to gradually become him. I had to become him before we started shooting"
David Suchet for Strand Magazine
AND SOME MORE BACKGROUND...
Murder on the Orient Express is my favorite book about Poirot, the fact that it briefly takes place in Croatia is beside the point lol, it is just a happy coincidence. It was the third episode of the 12th season of the series and the ecranisation was just amazing. It was like watching the book come alive before my eyes. I am not a big fan of seeing books becoming movies or tv shows but Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings and Poirot are the good ones.
SPOILER ALERT...
The reason why this is my favorite book is because it deals with the moral code and ethics that Poirot has. David portrayed the battle Poirot was in with his own mind perfectly, Branagh failed and wow did he fail. Poirot deals with logic but he also deals with justice and mixes those two together. They have to be in unity and the fact that they were fighting each other was hard on his sanity. The complexity of human behavior and the psychological effect that actions of others have on us was something that David amazingly showed in his performance. Branagh did not.
CAST DID NOT HELP...
Sure, there are some big names in the movie from 2017, like Penélope Cruz, Willem Dafoe, Johnny Depp, and Judi Dench but that did not help. Production was nice but the entire movie was kind of slow with all those long nature scenes where nothing was happening in. An artistic approach that was not really that needed. I had a feeling that the movie was never going to end. I was in complete agony by the end of it and screaming at the screen "Bring the real Poirot!" At one moment I was thinking that I was on a hidden camera or being Punked because what I saw was shocking.
SMALL SPOILER: Poirot running on top of the train and jumping around like a superhero is so out of the character that I wanted to break the screen. The man walked with a cane, A CANE! How could he jump around like a spiderman? hellllooooo?!?!? The other thing is Branagh portraying Poirot as rude. He was never rude in the books or in the series with David. Poirot was always an utmost gentleman.
Do not get me started
on the mustache Branagh had...
I will not even... Nope... Just no...
CONCLUSION?
The mistakes in this movie are numerous and horrible. If you have read a single book about Poirot, you would notice it. To Poirot and David as Poirot fans out there, skip this one. You will only get irritated and ruin your evening. To those that have not seen the series about Poirot or read Poirot... Hm... Are you normal? Go read and/or watch it right now. I leave you with one of my favorite Poirot quotes...
It is the brain, the little gray cells on which one must rely. One must seek the truth within--not without."
~ Poirot (Agatha Christie)
Until next time,
KEEP YOUR SMILE ON
and love David Suchet!
P.S. The best Sundays start with coffee, chocolate and watching Poirot...
David Suchet as Poirot...
