We are insecure.
We also live in a time when narcissism is at an all time high. I remember telling myself I'd never take a selfie and that it's stupid and shows that people have no friends until I started taking selfies for content on social media. The physical act of turning the camera on yourself is also one of bearing yourself to the outside world so that others can resonate with what you do or where you are.
We are narcissistic.
Good storytelling requires that there is a main character, a protagonist. In our lives we're all the protagonist. We are the main character in pursuit of our personal goal. Once we have achieved it we then move onto our next personal goal. This sounds quite selfish because it is. It's a very self centered-approach for creatures that need each other to thrive. It's no different for musicians. No musician ever made it to the top without the help of the people around them. Although everyone in that team is their own protagonist, everyone works towards a common goal. Common goals are where our stories intertwine and we help each other succeed. Unfortunately I see so many people that only see themselves as the main point of focus. We need each other.
I get so many selfish requests everyday:
"listen to my music and give me feedback", "I want you to make me famous", "what can you do for me" and "I want us to set some time aside so we can focus on me".
If you're paying me for my expertise, chances are it's more of an exchange of services than a partnership. This won't make me work on your music less, it just means that our goals probably aren't aligned so well if even at all. We play well because I get my money and you get your service or vice versa. Our common goal is the exchange. This happens in all industries everywhere and we can't knock it. On the other hand I have situations where I partner with artists or producers because I believe in them and I believe that our stories intertwine. If they get what they want FIRST then there's a possibility that I will get what I want AFTERWARDS. This is one of the main reasons I give out information for free. Sure I want artists and producers to succeed, but through me giving people value for free, my studio stays full of artists and I'm able to pay bills and live a good, fruitful life.
I'm not perfect at it, but I try to remove myself from the role of the protagonist for small sections of the day so that I can focus on other people's goals. Sometimes it's taken for granted while other times I'm met with really good fortune, but the relationships I build through that process are priceless.
How do you play with others?
Do you focus on yourself and how you can benefit from a situation before the other person? This might be a reason why you feel like you're being shut out from all angles in the music industry. I know artists that used to ask to clean the floors at big studios before they were offered a chance to one day record. Other artists have handed out flyers at intersections just so that one day they might get the opportunity to perform at a gig. I know pianists who performed for free all night at dinners until their fingers bled (literally) before they got the chance to score a paying gig. What im trying to say is that helping others out is sometimes the simplest way to help yourself out.
If it wasn't for developing a relationship with Andrew Haine through working on his music, I wouldn't have a sick computer like the one I do today. If it wasn't for working on Khris Blaze's career I wouldn't have my ear to the streets as much as I do because of him. If it wasn't for the extra interactions with Luke Sampson, I wouldn't have realised there's a like minded individual who has similar goals to me. I didn't owe these people anything and they didn't owe me anything other than an initial exchange, but working together has resulted in us both benefiting even further.
In short, I feel like we each need to pull our head out of our own asses and start looking around us. Lookaround and see who you can assist to reach their goals and you may find that that act will lead to you getting one step closer to yours. Don't forget about your goals completely, just be willing to be versatile from time to time.
Regards,
SB