In my previous post, we established that you are not your thoughts. You can just be an observer of these thoughts, especially if they're not helpful. If you haven't read the post yet, please click here to read it so you will understand this article better.
How to Get Into Observer Mode
As I mentioned in my previous post, you can be in Participant, Observer-Participant, and Observer modes in relation to your thoughts.
All of these modes are helpful at one time or another depending on the situation. But if you have painful and unhelpful thoughts, being in Observer mode is very helpful.
There are different ways to get into this mode and we use metaphors to do this.
The Chessboard Metaphor
Think of your struggle with your thoughts as a chess game. The black chess pieces are thoughts that you don't want to have. The white pieces are your counter thoughts and coping strategies that fight the black pieces. Examples of white pieces are: suppressing negative thoughts, disputing the thoughts, procrastinating, distracting yourself, drinking and avoiding triggers of the thoughts.
You have been probably playing this game for a while to notice that this is an unending battle. The game is rigged. The black pieces advance and the white pieces counters. The black pieces counter-attack and so on.
You have a thought, "I'm a loser." You counter it with, "No, I am not. I have done a lot in my life." Then you have the thought about the times you have failed. You then fight these thoughts. And on and on. No side is winning and this goes on forever.
So, how do you stop playing the game? First, notice and ask yourself, “Am I the chess pieces? Of course, not. They're just thoughts and behaviors that you can observe.
So where are you and who are you in this situation? How about the chessboard? Instead of playing the game forever, you can just observe it so you won’t get taken over by the struggle with your thoughts. You can then observe them and bring them with you as you do what matters in your life.
Source: The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
The Life Bus Metaphor
Imagine you’re driving a bus that represents you. This is the Life Bus and it’s on its way to Values Mountain. Values Mountain represents your values: the way you want to behave toward yourself, others and your environment.
On your way to Values Mountain, you pick up passengers.
The passengers represent your unhelpful thoughts. As you drive, the passengers act up.
As we sometimes do in these situations, we try to fight the passengers. When we try to fight them, the passengers sometimes go silent. After some time, though, they have a go at you again. They also stay on the bus and do not leave. While we fight them, we stop driving our bus to Values Mountain. Sometimes, because of our struggle with them, we go into a detour or end up somewhere else.
But what if we just take these passengers along with us for the ride? Let them say all they want and just let them be. Do we need to fight them and try to get rid of them? Can we still move towards what is important to us in life even while we’re having them?
Source: The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety by John Forsyth and Georg Eifert
There are other ways you can get into Observer mode which I will get into in later posts. All of these methods are part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. A good place to start with knowing more about ACT is to read The Happiness Trap.
In my future posts, I will post more methods of handling painful thoughts.
I hope this article helps you move forward.
May you have a meaningful life.
