What I learned as a father about living with children

Having children is something unique - something that you can hardly prepare in advance. The love of parents for their child is a feeling that can hardly be described in words. A child changes the life of his parents elementary and sustainable. A father describes what he has learned about the changes that children bring and how they have learned to live with them.

Actually, I thought, to be well prepared for life with children through my time in youth work and as a youth coach in the sports club. Working with several holiday camps that looked after a few dozen children gave me peace of mind that I was well prepared to watch out for my own children at some point. MAN, I LACK WRONG !!!

Having your own children is quite different than temporarily caring for other people. This was recently confirmed by one of the kindergarten teachers who became a mother a few months ago. Being and being a parent is a very original experience, which carries you with all your senses and that can not be understood by childless people. In my opinion, it is in this experience, as in sex - who has not experienced it, who can not really have a say.

Children are much more time-consuming than outsiders can imagine

A child is a 24-hour job, seven days a week, 365 days a year in his first year of life - without much exaggeration. People without children usually think "oh, little children sleep so much the whole day". The problem: they do not sleep predictably. One can not say when exactly they fall asleep, how long they sleep or whether they do not need you in their sleep. When they are asleep, the work for the parents begins - cleaning up, cleaning, washing, washing themselves, eating - because you can not get much of it with a small child. And all of that is the norm - I'm not talking about a sick kid who has vomiting diarrhea.

With children, you learn to appreciate the value of your own family again, when the grandparents take care of the little ones or help with big purchases. A proverb says "it takes a village to raise a child". In the meantime I understand what is meant.

My childless brother comes to visit us - he really loves his nieces. But at the latest after two days he leaves again, completely exhausted, to rest for at least a day from the hardships of his uncle. This luxury parents do not have ...

As a parent you get to know your own limits

A situation that almost every parent knows: you are so exhausted that you just want to cry or get so annoyed that you want to run screaming out of the apartment. Where else can you experience something like that? Being a parent is really a borderline experience in some situations. The power to continue gives one the love for one's own child.

The love for one's own children is far greater than one could imagine

Again and again you hear stories of parents who have gone without hesitation in absolutely life-threatening situations to save their children. I know now that I would certainly do so. The love of parents for their child is not rational to grasp. It grows with the many hours you look at your child, weighs in the arms and cares. Losing your own child is probably the worst thing that can happen to you in life.

You have to set priorities as parents

I used to wonder how to slowly lose contact with friends who had children. Now I understand that better. As a parent, you quickly learn that the new tasks around the child are so complex that you have to make restrictions elsewhere. In social contacts, when going out, often in hobbies and often in the job. It is impossible to do justice to everyone and everything. You have to restrict yourself - especially since you often have to gather strength in your "free time from the child".

As a parent, you learn to take back yourself

In the time before children you are usually the main actor in the film of your own life. You can decide quite freely what to do when, where and with whom. That changes with children. You have to learn that another person in your life also plays a major role and has special needs - that do not always match what you want to do yourself. You learn to take something back yourself. A normal but important part of growing up, which is painful every now and then, but a sacrifice that parents usually enjoy bringing to their children.

Children change their parents - and very much

Young parents usually notice a change in themselves in the first few days. You get softer, you plan more and look ahead. You think about what might happen and try to avoid dangers at an early stage. That's what nature has set up and is quite normal. Often, these considerations make you more cautious, conservative. Even people who have never thought about things like home construction and life insurance before, let these considerations go through their heads at least once.

Many parents - especially men - also recognize great connections through living with their children - as the whole game between boy and girl, man and woman, for example, comes from nature only to find a partner with whom to bring children into the world , Most women have seen through this much earlier ..

Especially when the children are a little bit bigger, parents have the opportunity to rediscover the world through the eyes of their children: the nature and the change of the seasons, how impressive a plane really is or how magical a merry-go-round at the Christmas market , One learns through his children to live more in the moment and is open to seeing the familiar from a new angle.

With a child you understands your own parents better

Often people with children, over time, understand their own parents and their choices - for example, why they always seemed so "boring" - better. In any case, as a young parent, one deals with one's own parenting education. Some things will be understood in hindsight, at other points you will continue to shake your head, sometimes even more violent than before.

As young parents, men and women are often regarded by their own parents as "grown-up" and with the baby one has a theme that brings generations closer together. Especially as grandparents are often much more relaxed with their grandchildren than they were with their own children.

The partnership is changing massively with child

A baby needs a lot of attention and love - from both parents. Time for the partner, for togetherness, for good conversation or shared experiences often remains little. The sex life of a couple inevitably changes with children and also permanently. The partners should make sure that they continue to see each other as a man and a woman and not just as mom and dad. Deliberately planned time off from the child with the help of grandparents or babysitters can help here - even if the plans do not always go up as you had imagined, as my wife and I already had to learn.

There are always new challenges with children

Parents quickly learn that each time you think you have a challenge with your child under control, the next one is waiting for you. On the other hand, almost every "child problem" is temporary. Whether it is a baby's abdominal pain, teething pain, strangulation or defiance. My wife and I tell each other when we are completely exhausted in our arms "all just a phase" and somewhere that is also a comfort.

Because of the many changes and challenges that life with a child brings, you would not grow old, people often say. If I look at the wrinkles and gray hair I've been getting in recent years, I'm not so sure. But at least it's worth it, I'm sure. Because through my children, I have found a meaning in my life.