A quiet child who observes the world obeys first is not always a happy child, however convenient it is for the people around him. Often, when we feel fear, despair or shame, we tend to hide in a corner inside ourselves. Therefore, the ideal is to teach respect, not educate through blind obedience, which is part of the same anguish that steals identities.
We are not wrong when we say that the issue of obedience is an overestimated and even misunderstood aspect of many families. In addition, the classic phrase that says "the guarantee of happiness is in obedience" is heard quite often in the mouths of many fathers and mothers. There are also parents who take pride in seeing their children follow the orders they receive first.
Blind obedience is not the same as intelligent obedience. No, especially if it is applied through fear. Nor if the child is taught early the idea that the most important thing is to please the other, leaving aside their own needs, criteria and desires. Sooner or later, the day will come when this child will no longer be considered important. It can happen at a time when she will also stop defending herself, which will allow others to control her in the way they prefer.
"The purpose of education is to show people how to learn for themselves, the other concept of education is indoctrination." - Noam Chomsky -
The quiet child and the effect of authoritarian education.
There are children scouts, those who touch everything, look at everything and ask questions. They occupy places with insatiable curiosity. They are happy children. On the other hand, there are also quiet children. A little more reserved but have no difficulty connecting. . Simply find a topic that is in your best interest to see them shine and demonstrate the sensational wealth they hold within themselves. They are introverted and happy children.
In addition, we can often also find those children who avoid watching. It seems that they look for the most hidden corner of their interiors to protect themselves, to pretend that they are not present. To feel protected from a world that does not understand them, but to those who obey without hesitation. They are children who do not question anything, in whose vocabulary there is no "whys", nor wonder, nor are there eyes that question ...
The quiet child who obeys first is not always a happy child.
Of course, our children and students need stable limits and standards. However, a calm child who always obeys without question is often the product of an education. authoritarian, in which the rules are imposed by threat, not by intelligence.
The intelligence of those who do not use fear, but empathy. Of those who prefer to convey to their children the notion of respect and gives them the opportunity to understand why certain rules and regulations must be fulfilled.
In the same context, we can not leave aside an almost essential fact. Children must understand the foundation of everything that is asked of them. If we simply impose unconditional obedience, we will create immature people. Profiles that will always need someone to tell them what to do and what not to do at all times.
We must create happy children, not children handcuffed by blind obedience
As parents, mothers or educators, there is something we all know: raising our voices and telling a child that "do it and do it now because I'm in charge" is a time-saving function. We do this because of the urgency and to give us good results. This we can not deny.
However, what is the price we pay for it? What are the consequences of imposing immediate obedience to the cry? The effects are many. We will give shape to a calm child or with challenging behaviors. With this type of authoritarian dynamics, we lose the most essential thing we can build with our children: trust.
Now, the next question would be: How do I get my son to obey me? Of course, this is not easy. Especially when, until now, we have only been able to do it through threats and punishments. Even so, sometimes the answer is much simpler than it seems. If we want a child to trust us when we ask him to do something, we must also learn to trust and respect him.
In the life of all people, there comes a time when one must follow their own internal criteria. The occasional rebellion or the questioning of the rules that our parents impose on us are the first attempts to define our own identity, something that parents must also understand.
Show respect for listening Answer questions, reason with them, encourage reciprocity. Respect is earned by taking into account their needs, preferences and curiosities. Therefore, we must give way to a kind of intelligent obedience in which the child understands the reason for each thing. An obedience in which the rules are internalized, knowing first their utilities.
We want happy children, receptive to the environment and eager to learn. Not the children silenced by the shadow of fear and authoritarianism.