It was senior year and I had a wonderful history teacher. He was young, cool, and all the girls crushed over how hansom he was. For this story I'll call him Mr. R. It was from Mr. R that I learned one memorable lesson I've carried with me all these years.
Photo I took in St Louis on my first road trip out of state at the age of 24. I wanted to change the course of my life and traveled out of state to visit graduate schools all over the U.S. to find where I wanted to live. That road trip and decision to go to graduate school has made my life amazing.
Change Your Own Life
It was the day before winter break. We had a shortened school day and most of the teachers let their student chills and do minimal work. A lot of the student body failed to show up so the classrooms were missing a good portion of their students. In Mr. R's history class he was in a good mood and started to talk with those of us who showed up.
He started telling us how his father didn't want him to become a teacher and was hard on him growing up. If was Mr. R's passion to become a teacher and as he got older his relationship with his father deteriorated. He became a teacher against his father's wishes. He lived a happy life as a teacher and lost contact with his father who saw him as a disappointment.
I remember this was the first time he said "you have to overcome your upbringing."
First time I graduated college with my bachelors degrees. Arrow is pointing to me. I'm the short one.
It was graduation day and I was nervous. We were grouped into classrooms before the ceremony to keep us organized by last name to ensure we sat in the right seats in the gymnasium. Mr. R was in charge of keeping track of my group. We had a long wait before the ceremony and Mr. R stopped by and talked to each of us.
When he came to me he remembered a paper I had written for him. We had to talk about ourselves and how our past influenced who we are as people. I talked about my parents divorce and verbal abuse causing me to have social anxiety. My childhood was pretty sucky so my paper was probably concerning now that I think about it. My teacher asked me how I was doing and I said I was nervous.
Mr. R told me "you have to overcome your upbringing." He reminded me of how I made good grades and won the senior awards for art and computers/business. He told me to overcome my upbringing and work my hardest to succeed. I kind of felt he understood my childhood experiences from the story of his father. He was always kind to me throughout school and encouraging. That day I felt he had wanted to say those words to me for a while...."overcome your upbringing."
Me again...all I can focus on is how short I was....I was even wearing a little heel action to get some height.
Words That Stick With You
Those words of one of my favorite teachers has always stuck with me all these years later. I'm 32 now and I like to think my childhood didn't screw me up too bad. I know other kids who had similar upbringings who are in way worse shape.
I never did drugs. Never got into drinking. Never got into relationships with people who were unhealthy or abusive. Considering how crappy my childhood was I turned out really great. I got great grades in college and graduated with honors and then went on for a few graduate degrees.
I remember being a teenager and being depressed at how much life sucked. But the idea that I had to overcome my situation was inspiring. Mr. R turned out a good person with a happy life. Why couldn't I?
When I got to college I got into Zen Buddhism and learned mindfulness. I learned how to think deeply about myself and why I felt anger, depression, sadness, etc. It was in this time of self-discovery I really learned to let the past go for the most part. I found peace and with peace, I found happiness.
When I left high school I was driven to change who I was as a person. I hated my social anxiety and I pushed myself to be social and meet people. Over time my anxiety lessened and I became a "normal" person. I found my identity and the happy life I'd dreamed of for so long.
