I used to say, if I happened to be teacher, I would be a nice one. I would like to be someone who understood what I've been through, and could understand what was happening to me.
Back when I was in secondary school, I kept getting compared to my sibling. How cheerful they were, what a great students they once were, and many positives stories. In high school, my late brother was one of their best students. When people learned that I was his younger sister, they expect me to be a great mathematician, at least, just like him. The situation was even worse than in secondary school.
All those comparison and expectation unfortunately didn't help me at all. It didn't encourage me to do better, in whatever I could. So, I found it sitting in the corner, stayed as silent as possible, stayed away from any possible problems were the best thing I could do. I would be happy when nobody recognized me or my work.
At that time, I hated my teacher. I questioned their ability to help and support me as their students. I hated them as they cared so much for successful student. What about the rest of students then? Try harder so they would be recognized by the teacher?
One of the worst situation ever was when I failed to get into university. Not about the most favorite program, I couldn't got into any. My friends left me, my teacher? They avoided me. I was a failure. At that time, I hated people. I was wondering, what if one day, they gonna suffer the same thing. What would they do
Moving to university in Europe had helped me to get better way of thinking, changed in mindset and so on. Doesn't mean Europe helped me, but the change in my surrounding really help me. Much.
Having new friends with different background, from different cultures forced me to act and think differently. If in my previous school I would have known some people from my hometown, or someone I met outside, Europe didn't support such thing. If I didn't talk to people, they would not know me. If I didn't try to blend with them, I would still be siting in the corner by myself. And so on. I would definitely struggling and being lonely in those crowded places.
In my worst time being a university student, I had couple of lectures that really helped me get back in my feet. My thesis supervisor helped me not only academically speaking, but he helped me psychologically too. Instead of questioning my thesis, he would ask me to have a cup of coffee, and talked about our daily things, or some interested issues. Somehow he tried to ease my mind and made me more relax before talking about serious matter. His smile had successfully help me. Weird huh? But the way he acted, his positive attitude helped me to move on with whatever I was struggling with.
And my student advisor ? Believe me, in my life I have never met such a great person. Btw, I got to know him before my thesis advisor :D .
Maybe because of the experienced back in school, I didn't really trust my advisor. But he did make me talk to him about my problems. They way he "handled" me was so friendly, no judging in his eyes, the way he acted toward me changing according to the situation. He helped me find my way until I graduated, every single things. From lecture, having extra courses, finding me a tutor when I was struggling with lecture, and many more. I know it sounds trivial, sound simple and thats probably what an advisor should do. But see what I have experienced before. Its completely different.
Who could guess that 2 years after I graduated I became a lecture myself? Got to meet students from many backgrounds, with many kinds of problems, weird attitudes, lots of force from around too. It was very hard at the beginning. But learning from the experiences I had, I should be on my way to be someone just like my advisor or supervisor, or even could be the mixture of both of them. It definitely won't be easy, I know. But it's not impossible.
I got to accept that my students came from various cities, with different culture and norm, each of them has their own way of studying, each has different way of accepting the course, and each have their own personal problem that might affect their studies and behavioral . It won't be easy, they are hundreds of them out there.
But again, my supervisor probably did the simplest thing to me, he smiled. He never judged. He talked to me in a way that he made me talk to him. Coffee just an excuse, but that simple excuse help me be the person I am today.
At the end, I wish to be that kind of lecture that I would love to have myself. Hope my students too :)