There is absolutely only one thing that stands up far above the rest of my habits and practices as a parent that I desperately want to change.

And I quite literally hate it. Man, I even get tears as I think about how this bothers me so deeply. It's such a pertinent problem because it is so intertwined with my personality. I hate offending people. I tend to do everything I can to make others happy. I avoid conflict. I don't speak my mind. I don't correct others. I tend to be very quiet and held back in a lot of aspects. But now, this is not only bad for me. It is making life difficult for my baby.

I freeze.

I freeze when random strangers come up to my daughter and start touching her face and saying how cute she is. I freeze when a man at church grabs my daughters hand to kiss it. I freeze when someone engages with my daughter in ways that I know she is not comfortable with.

It infuriates me that I don't defend my daughter. I mean, this is a person she barely sees once a week, and I can feel her body recoiling against mine as the person comes up to her, so jubilantly greeting her and then giving her a kiss.

I could have stopped that!

I could have stepped back and said, "Hi so and so. We are also happy to see you, but we are not yet comfortable to show such physical affection. Taya hardly knows who you are. Please respect her boundaries."

I could have grabbed Taya's hand out of the man's hand who was getting ready to kiss her, and said, "That is not appropriate for us. Please offer her a high-five or a wave."

I personally do not feel comfortable with kissing people as a way of greeting. I know my daughter tends to be shy to greet even people she knows very well. I just am fighting so hard to overcome this ridiculous fear of offending people!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish that my desire to defend my daughter and help her to feel safe and guide her through social encounters in the most effective way was 1000 times stronger than my desire to not ruffle anyone's feathers.

This is what I want to change. Instead of freezing, I want to say,

"Stop touching my daughter's face and patting her head!!!!!"
"You can only kiss her if you kiss me, and I am absolutely not interested in kissing you."
"Ask her if you may pick her up before you barge up to this tiny human and grab her out of my arms or off of the floor!!!!"
"My daughter has personal space!"
"Just because she is small, doesn't mean you can do whatever you want!"
"No!!!! No touching, no kissing, no holding, unless she wants you to!!!"

Or maybe I don't have to be rude. That is just the frustration that I have pent up inside over the past two years of me trying to get this thing right.

I want everyone to respect that my daughter is a person, not "just a baby", and that she has likes and dislikes, and that she feels social awkwardness and uncomfortable.
Ask permission before touching, grabbing, kissing, hugging. Treat her with respect. No one would run up to an adult they barely know and grab their cheeks, coming within inches of their face and saying, "Hi, sweetie, you are so beautiful, aren't you? I could just eat you up!"

Sigh. Thank you for reading this. I really am working on getting this right, for my daughter's sake.