An Open Letter: For my Dearest Mom

When you were in abroad working as an OFW I used to write a letter for you, because this was just the way for us to keep in touch with each other. There were no smartphones on that era, no facebook, no messenger, no skype in short it was hard to find a way to keep in touch with you, I can only reached you by means of sending you some letters.

You left me at a very young age. I know it was very hard on your part and with me too, knowing that you have to do it because no one will shoulder the responsibilities because my father abandoned us. It was not easy growing that you were not around physically.

There are a lot of times that I am missing your hugs, your kisses, and sleeping with your arms. I wonder how would be the feeling of having you around. There were triumphant memories of my life during my school days, receiving some awards but you were not there to rejoiced with, but Mom I understand. I was hoping before that someday you'll stay for good and we will enjoy our mother-daughter momentum.

But Mom I thought God grant my prayers that someday you'll be staying for good, yes you were now staying for good but Mom, you came home but sick with Lupus, I don't know how I felt that day, I couldn't find happiness in my heart. Yes, finally you were home but you were on and off from the hospital.

I witnessed how you gave a good fight against your sickness, I never thought I had a very strong mom, I never saw you complaining regarding on your situation even when you were in a deep pain. I was hoping that time that together we will win this battle. Praying a lot that God will heal you someday.

But Mom, you did not win your battle against your Lupus, you left me holding my hands that day, no words to describe my emotions on that very moment you took your last breath. I want to scream Mom but no words came out to my mouth, I want to run but I can't move my feet. I was broken that time, my Mom is leaving me again and this time she'll never come back.

Mom, you left me at a young age because of your work, but now you left me again and for now you'll never come back anymore. We never had enough time to enjoy the mother-daughterbonding. This is the saddest goodbye for us Mom.

Mom, where ever you are right now, I miss you so much, I know you're not physically around, but I do believe that you're still guiding and loving me. I love you so much Mom, this is the first open letter that I made after you died but I hope you might read it. I want you to know Mom that even we did not have enough time to spend with, I am very proud that you're my Mom, my very strong Mom. I am now a mother too Mom and I am also fighting the same battle that you've been through, our battle against lupus. Don't worry Mom, as you strongly fight your battle, I will also fight this battle.
I love you Mom, wherever you are, you're always in my heart and forever you'll stay there.