#STEEMLORDS Tales: BattleWom's shout!

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The local tavern in the Port of Forlindon was the only place BattleWom could find that sold strawberries, so he ordered a bucket and waited.

The barkeep was eyeing him strangely. "You're that there BattleWom in't thee? Tell me I'm wrong."

BattleWom thought about ignoring the man, but he didn't have his strawberries yet, and he was still feeling a little punchdrunk after the fight with that wussie Ancient Greek hero Theseus.

"That's me."

"Not from around these parts are ye?"

BattleWom didn't roll his eyes. "Nup."

"Didn't think so," said the barkeep. "Only we don't see many Vombatus ursinus in these parts," said the barkeep. "Or any marsupials at all, really."

"Wouldn't have thought so," said BattleWom, warming to the conversation despite himself. He could smell the strawberries - the man was taking special care to wash the dirt off. "Anyway, I'm a Vombatus Clusterfuckius, not a Vombatus ursinus. Not that it matters, I guess."

"Why do say that? Why don't it matter? I think it matters, and I'm very pleased you told me. Very pleased indeed." The barkeep studiously looked at the strawberries as he asked: "Arr, do all, um, Vombatus Clusterfuckius's wear makeup?"

BattleWom blinked, then remembered his friend Charlie. "Oh, this?" He raised his paw: the red nails shone as brightly as ever. "This was just my friend the minotaur giving me a manicure before some Greek punce tried to kill us. Well Charlie. He tried to kill Charlie. The minotaur. My friend."

BattleWom liked how that sounded. So he said it again. "My friend."

The man put the bucket on the bar before BattleWom, and the Vombatus Clusterfuckius thrust his head in and slurped ravenously. "You know," he said in between mouthfuls, "I have just tunnelled from... well, a long way," and before he knew what he was doing, BattleWom was telling the barkeep loudly about the battle with Theseus and gesticulating wildly with his stubby front legs.

Suddenly was aware of a woman in yoga pants approaching. Quickly he removed the Helm of Beatrice and replaced it with a wide brimmed hat with dangling corks which totally interrupted his view of the woman.

"Phew," he said.

“Hello BattleWom, I am ChooXena: Vegan Warrior Princess. It’s nice to meet you” the woman said.

“Er… Hello, I am BattleWom” he replied in a flustered voice.

“What’s with the hat?” she asked.

“It’s the hat of obscurity” he said and he mumbled something which a minute later he couldn't remember. "Anyway, it helps me gird my loins.." he added to himself.

“Ok. That makes no sense” ChooXena replied.

When Gohba the Blacksmith walked through the door. BattleWom sighed with relief.

“Gohba. You made it, I’m glad” said ChooXena. “This is BattleWom, he was just telling me about his hat of… Actually never mind. It seems that we are the only ones here”.

BattleWom raised his hat and tried to smile at Gohba, but he hadn't had much practice.

Gohba sat down and ordered a beer. "So there was this bloke Con..." Gohba said, and started to tell them the story of his adventure on Crete when Lord Bmj burst through the door and made his way over to them at the bar.

And then before Lord Bmj could say, well, anything really, and Sir Knight appeared in his glorious white cloak.

Addressing the four Steemlords at the bar, he said:

Hence forth you shall be known as ‘The A Team.’

You are instructed to travel through Forlindon to the Blue Mountains of Fred Luin (Lune).

Leave thy horses and climb that there mountain. Find thee the entrance into the Goblin Cave of Lune. You must take procession of the 'Goblin Sextant'. You will find it in the Throne Room of Goblin King Fred. Then leave via the East passages.