#STEEMLORDS - Valhalla Awaits - Sir Jack, The Anti-Deliverance fina...

As Sir Jack set forth to undo the wrong that he had done in Middlesteem he decided that the quickest way was again by boat so as not to lose any more time on his already tired steed Mr Ed. (Mind you the truth is that Mr Ed is just a lazy old horse who wishes he was a wombat, then again who doesn’t)

So they made their way to the docks and in order to pay for the tickets Sir Jack lays down his helmet and starts doing a good old jig and dance, as passers by saw his rather interesting dance moves they threw the odd penny or two into his helmet and when there was enough Sir Jack finished up his little show and purchased first class tickets with unlimited wine and sauerkraut included for the entire trip.

On the ship were many passengers among them a little old woman who seemed to be behind every corner. When ever Sir Jack would turn around there she was. She looked familiar to Jack but yet he couldn’t remember who she reminded him of.

When one morning as Sir Jack was standing on the edge of the boat doing his usual morning routine, he gets shoved overboard and on his way down he bangs his head on the side of the ship.

As he sinks down to the bottom of the ocean his life flashes by him, pictures of his wife and children, the thoughts of never seeing them again, the thoughts of not saving Middlesteem and darkness slowly settles in as his last breath is exhaled and he becomes victim to the sea.

When what seemed like an eternity yet was only moments later a mermaid comes and give Sir Jack a kiss of life. She tells him that the white wizard sent her with a message “Stop f#cking around and don’t let my good bottle of grog go to waste...” as she swishes him back to the ship she whispers how this kiss of life lasts only 24 hours and that he must accomplish what he planned because like the sands in the hour glass so too are the days of our lives.

She flicks him like a kid would a booger and he lands head first right next to the person who had shoved him overboard. It was the little old lady, at that moment he realized that this was that conniving old black witch. In a heartbeat he whistles and Mr Ed shows up, Sir Jack grabs the bottle of potion fills his mouth with it and spits it at the witch.... she just wipes her face and laughs and says

“Hahahaahahaaaaa.... Gin.... spitting Gin at me isn’t going to hurt me”

Ooops wrong bottle, but what happened then was just amazing the seamen on board smelled fresh grog in the air and ran to the deck where Sir Jack was faced by this evil sorceress. Sir Jack points his finger at the old hag and yells

“She drank all your grog”

The seamen angrily in a typical mob like manner grab the witch and throw her overboard. As she dropped a mythical Greek sea monster raises its ugly hairy head out of the water and in one foul swoop gobbles up the witch.

Where are we?

Asked Sir Jack, the seamen answered

“Crete”

“OMG, I have to be in Middlesteem by this time tomorrow”

the seamen just laughed at him.

When out of nowhere the clouds gathered and winds started blowing it was a storm that nobody had ever imagined yet alone seen before, the winds bashed the waved against the ship, the ship barely survived the hits and then Sir Jack being from Criminalia saw an opportunity to catch a wave. He pushed the captain away grabbed control of the ship and rode the next wave all the way to where it took them, he reeled it in remembering his childhood at the backbeaches of Down Underus.

There wasn’t much left of the ship when it was all over, local rescuers came to the site to get everyone offboard. As Sir Jack and his steed got to land he asked

“Where are we?”

And one of the locals said

“Middlesteem”

He couldn’t believe it, the Gods had favoured him, he was at last in a position to make right what he had wronged.

As he walked away leading his steed by his side he saw a young kinder who was obviously a local. He asked him where their water comes from and the kinder replied

“From the kitchen tap, stupid”

Sir Jack, not in the mood for such a response said

“Looky hear young lad, if you don’t tell me where your springs are I’m...”

When the rude little bugger cuts him off and says

“Well why didn’t you say that? Our springs are on top of those mountains up yonder”

Sir Jack looking kind of dumbfounded just turned around and started walking in that direction.

As he crossed the fields and plains to reach the mountains he couldn’t help but feel as if someone was watching him, that sense only a man who had seen battle could have. However every time he felt this eerie feeling there was no body in eye sight. No matter what bothered him he knew that he had to save Middlesteem.

As he reached the top of the mountain, he could hear stones falling down the mountain side which was caused by someone or something following him, No that didn’t stop him, no time to waste.

There they were, the springs of the water supply for Middlesteem.

He knew that this had to be it.

As he approached the spring, he heard footsteps behind him, it was an entire army of canetoad licking zombies.
Without any hesitation he drew his sword and started slaying them one by one, making an entire wall of dead zombies in front of him.

When he thought it was all over and as he started pouring the potion into the springs he felt sharp pains in his back.... one... two... three.... but he kept pouring the potion until the very last drop left the bottles neck and hit the water below....

Then he heard a shout from behind him, he couldn’t turn around to see what it was. When Sir Percy showed up,

Kneeling down by Sir Jacks side, Sir Percy says:

“My fellow Expat, what have these creatures done to thee? I have slain the scum that shot thee in the back”

Sir Jack looked at him, handed him the bottle of Gordanian Gin and said

“Get this to our good blacksmith, I have done him wrong, tell him.... tell him... “

The wounds were too deep, Sir Jack was exhausted......

Then as if someone had stuck a hot chilli pepper up his crack he opened his eyes and grabbed Sir Percy by his chain mail and said.

“Sir Percy, your cousin Sir McPercy and his side kick, who haven't been seen or heard of since our first gathering.... I know where they are..... once this quest is over go save them.... or maybe..... you could wait a few more weeks... after all it is kind of funny!”

Having revealed to Sir Percy where his cousin had disappeared to, Sir Jack peacefully passed away.

What a twist of fate, never killed by the heathens during the crusades, only to die at the hands of some canetoad licking zombie warriors in the middle of whoop whoop.

In a deep deep voice from the clouds above to all Steemlords:

"Carry on my brothers and sisters, the quest is now yours to complete, I shall be joining my friends from the days of our crusades, these conquests are yours to achieve and ours to admire, we shall be watching over you from Valhalla."