Images by the magnificent @bearone.
Squire StinknZombalot dragged himself to his hands and knees. His ridiculous cartoonish helm dug painfully into the side of his face.The damn thing hadn't fit right since the beginning of the battle of Byron Bay (and there had been uncounted days since that he questioned why he'd used the helmet at a crab pot. It may have been the magic mushrooms, he couldn't be sure).
In any case, since that battle, StinknZombalot hadn't been feeling himself. Most days he woke at sunset with a growing hunger for..well...brains. He would stop, sniff the air and hone in on the closest source of brains. Usually it was slim pickings (he was living in a swamp) but occasionally he would happen upon an unwitting fisherman, or a lost villager. He lived for the lost villagers. The unwitting fisherman tended to leave him hungry again about 30 minutes after he ate them.
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Today, however, he'd smelled something entirely different. It took him a while, but he finally figured out what it was. Boobies and yoga pants. And something more than that. There was an electric buzz in the air. It spoke to his soul. And the message it left was clear: the forces were gathering. There was a quest afoot. There would be boobies and yoga pants for all (or at least for him) and, if he played his cards right, maybe even a better class of brains. And anyway, how could there be a quest without at least one squire? (The union would hear about this!)
There was only one minor mystery he had yet to figure out and that was why he was craving brains in the first place, but Squire StinknZombalot felt sure that with a bit more brain ingestion he'd soon be smart enough to figure that out, provided he could remain undistracted by the boobs and yoga pants in the mean time.
It was time to leave the swamp. Sniffing the air once more, he chose his direction, then squelching step by step, Squire StinknZombalot made his way towards the gathering storm. He would find those brains, those boobs and yoga pants and then...then he would show them all...something.
He shrugged. There was still time to figure out the plan on the way.
