POLYGAMY
INTRODUCTION
Polygamy could be defined as a system of marriage in which a man marries more than one wife at a time. A family is a basic social unit consisting of their parents and children and their children considered as a group whether dwelling together or not. Here, polygamous family consists of the father, mothers and many children living together. From this setting alone, one could see many issues arising from within starting from hatred,sexual abuse, verbal abuse, favouritism, early exposure to sexual immorality, lack of adequate funds for proper education, exposure to diseases, STD's, HIV etc.
Now let's not forget that for any growth to happen in a state or locality, it starts with the family because this is where the child gets his upbringing, morals, develop his skills and above all, a healthy lifestyle. Now this essay will look at the effects of polygamy towards the development of youths in Nigeria, and also the possible solutions that could be rendered to curb the problem(s).
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STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM
Nigeria is a nation with population of over 170M citizens. First and foremost we are in a dwindling economy i.e recession. There is no law forbidding polygamy in Nigeria and as such it's legal for a man to get married to as many wives as he wishes but the problem is does this call for an enabling environment for the upbringing of the Nigerian child? Great leaders are produced from great homes, homes that are properly planned, that understands the importance of child nurturing and talent growth together with creating a bonding/enabling environment for the child but the question is; can all this be adequately given to a child in a polygamous setting? It rarely happens, especially where the family is not financially, emotionally and psychologically stable. You might want to argue that child impactation, family planning cannot empower youths nor bring about development in a locality but the truth is that the family has a basic role to play in the Nigerian setting.
Now, we say that youths are the future leaders, youths are the hope of our nation, youths are the people who will take the country to the next level and so on and so forth. Hence if we neglect caring,nuturing and building them in every positive way possible, in other words we are planning to fail because what we will produce are corrupt minds, drug addicts, thieves, illiterates, sex workers, people with no foresight etc. The following are problems encountered by youths in a polygamy setting and how they affect the community/the nation at large.
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LACK OF FUNDS
This is the first most noticeable defects in a polygamous family. Here the husband has to cater for the needs of the wives and his kids all by himself and in the village, most wives are housewives, not working nor gainfully employed. So here, the husband needs to start from feeding the kids, wives, catering for bills, expenses, insurance, emergencies, etc. Now in most nuclear rural families this cannot work, how then do we expect it to work with someone catering for 4-5 wives and up-to 10kids if not more? So here we see that the basic things like food, light bills, water bills and even clothes which are primary things a husband should provide for the family is a burden. Tell me how the kids are growing up to better the society when all their minds and effort are targeted towards surviving till the next day, when will the child have the time to think outside the box to benefit the society??
SCALE OF PREFERENCE
This is seen everywhere even in our work places, schools, sports, etc and the family is not left out. There is a first, second, third, fourth, fifth and so on. Definitely there must be preference, if a senior staff is not promoted, then the junior will remain stalled. The husband has to settle the first, second, third and so on in that order with their kids too before even moving to the next one. Now there are daily expenses the husband needs to cater for plus his personal expenses added to that not forgetting the wives'. How much would remain for the kids let's say each wife has 2kids before anything gets to the third wife, it has already been exhausted and the rest of the children suffers.
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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
There is competition everywhere, no one is contented with what he or she has that's why economics tells us that "man's needs are insatiable". Due to scale of preference, the left over wives and kids as expected are not happy so in such cases fights occur oftenly in such scenarios in a bit to balance the equation because in the ecosystem, everyone is fighting for survival and comfortability. Now a child in this setting, how will he grow, what are the lessons he/she gains everyday? Don't forget, we need to train up a child in a way that he should grow and future him always in that view. If you take a walk to the village(s), oftenly you see fights spring up in families, people cursing each other, even bringing those scenes outside for neighbors to witness. This brings feud, there's panic, evil thoughts in everyone's mind. Now is this where a child should grow?, how will he be able to lead people without being an authoritarian, how will he see women.. Punching bags?, people that could be abused in anyway and at any time. Why will he have this mindsets?,this is because the father will beat up any wife that doesn't adhere to instructions or even the one that questions his judgements.
LACK OF PROPER EDUCATION
Education is a basic tool for any nation to develop, likewise the family and child upbringing. An average school fee in a moderate school for the child to grow is about N50,000. In the village(s) what is the income of an average father residing there? Don't forget and don't get me wrong here, everyone wants what is good! and as such should reside in the heart of the city or it's environs atleast. For the mere fact that the family are staying in the village it shows first that the husband is not buoyant enough. Now that notwitstanding, he could afford for 2 or 3, but this is a situation of about 10kids amounting to about N500,000 in every 3months added to his own expenses and the wives at home. A year here is N1.5m minus add-ons for educational purposes only. You might argue we have "free and compulsory education" but even with the free and compulsory education everything is not free. Also anything that is free most times is not that impacting because the child would take advantage of the "free" or most of the teachers wouldn't be steadfast and many more deficiencies. So if we can't "train" the child in a good way, where expect the growth to start from ?
EARLY EXPOSURE TO SEX, DISEASES AND SOCIAL VICES
This is a polygamous family and everybody is staying together, there is bound to be hatred, rape, depression, sharing of things and many more. I repeat, most likely, a child would not thrive in this environment. There is no adequate/complete provision of anything anyone needs and this leads to many defects. First, everyone must learn to share and that includes restrooms. A situation wherby everyone goes out and comes back, we don't know what each other went for and then we end up using the same bathrooms and toilets. We could contact diseases,also from sharing of sharp objects, communicable diseases are not left out. HIV could also be present here because the family head cannot cater for everyone in the first place talkless of medical check ups or even being concerned that you are sick, so what do we have here?... Spread the disease!! The girls would surely go out as needs aren't met and the carnal ones will take advantage of their state. They end up bringing unwanted pregnancies,abortions,STD's and HIV. The boys inturn have it the hard way by joining petty thefts,cultism,etc so they could extort things from people just to keep their life's going.. to survive. Now when once you are infected, sexually abused, join arm robbery or petty thefts, you are likely not to be of good use to the society anymore. Because once the society knows who you are, that stigma follows you to the grave.
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SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM
Polygamy is something that keeps spanning from generations to generations, it cannot be stopped but could be reduced massively. We cannot just cut polygamy nor create a law to prohibit polygamous marriage(s) because it has come to stay. The best way to tackle this menace is through sensitization and awareness campaign, we have to tell people that polygamy is detrimental to the growth of a nation. This is where we target the child right from secondary schools to tell them the effects of polygamy, enlighten them about personal hygiene and safety, talk to then about HIV and prevention not forgetting to preach abstainance in the process. Tell them to say no to stigmatization because the more people are stigmatized, the more they hide their status, and the more people that gets infected. Those that were victims of rape/aborted pregnancies needs counselors/therapists to talk to them and uplift their self esteem/mindsets. The church itself has a major role to play here too. Most of this youths might see themselves as inferior but with the help of counselors, it could restore their dignity and put them back on the right track. Students in Nigeria should also be given awareness on scholarship opportunities, loans and bursaries, on how they can get these scholarships even right from nursery schools. When a child sees reward, it encourages him to sit-up and the next person will be motivated too and with that everyone will be hardworking. Also conference materials should be given to certain students especially in the senior secondary sections or those that have passed adolescent because truth be told, these guys know about sex and might have practiced too. So the more we pretend they don't know the more we risk their future. Finally monitoring teams should be in the community, everyone tends to focus in the urban areas, leaving out rural settings to suffer. Strategies should be put in place to enable teachers be alert and steadfast on their jobs in the country.
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CONCLUSION
The family is the smallest unit of a nation, everything starts from the family. The greatest thing we need in Nigeria is investigating on the child (our future) through workshops, sensitization and capacity building. The best investment to make is to invest positively on someone and if this is targeted right now then it's an understatement to say we have hope for the future... Our future is guaranteed to be fruitful!! Don't get the idea wrong, polygamy is not necessarily poverty. Polygamy here focuses on when needs are not met due to numerous people to take care of plus bills while poverty means there is no money at all. We need to start working and not hoping and it should start today. Procrastination is what kills destinies and great minds...great minds that refused to put their thoughts to work. So if we could target from the root i.e the family, a healthy home then nothing could stop us in the near future. A vibrant economy needs a healthy body and creative mind. So when next we think about growth and development, we should think inwards first, it's starts with us, the family.