Hello friends and parents of this community, today I am going to talk about a subject that is not very pleasant before God. read the verse: Matthew 19: 3-6, and much less for children, are the most affected by the separation of their parents. However, this situation is latent daily, here we will study this topic a bit.
At what age is it easier for a child to survive the divorce of their parents?
There is no logical answer here. At each age, beginning with the prenatal period, the child needs both mother and father. Does this mean that you must make every effort to save the family? Yes, but with an amendment. If all the measures are taken, the arguments are used, measures are taken to comply, and divorce is still inevitable, then the first thing parents should do is stop feeling guilty. Simply because it is not constructive and will not help the child deal with the loss. Adults in vain will torture themselves the child.
Should more attention be paid to the child, at this time?
Feeling a sense of guilt towards the child, the parents begin to please the child in all possible ways: to allow more, to demand less, to ruin the career. The child begins to use this, as a result of which the best character traits are not formed. This deforms the psyche of the child much more than the fact of the separation of the parents.
Therefore, divorce should be considered not as the end of the world, but as the starting point of a new life. Help your child overcome the loss of one parent but not the extremes.
The children are extremely conservative. It is important for them that today is like yesterday and tomorrow. Life in the family is the world of the child. The usual way is clear to the child, which means it is safe. Divorce is a sudden change in the habitual way of life, breaking the system.
By not understanding what is happening around him and what will happen tomorrow, the child loses a sense of security and experiences anxiety, which negatively affects behavior and development. The long stay of a child in ignorance can lead to a neurosis.
Because of this situation it is important to tell only the truth, not to hide from the child what is happening, such as:
- Talking to him in understandable language: it is difficult for us to live together, that is why we fight and we get offended; if we separate, it will be easier for us to communicate.
- For all your questions, the child must get an unequivocal and specific answer.
- Do not be afraid of the child's reactions, be sure to say them out loud, giving the child the opportunity to realize and experience his state.
- Do not change habits, principles and educational requirements for the child, everything must remain the same.
Which parent will be best for the child?
Very often, after a divorce, a child stays with the mother. Some experts believe that a child is better with a parent. In any case, you can not force the child to choose who he wants more: mom or dad.
This choice is incompatible with your worldview. Adults should try to agree on an understandable communication mode with the people they love.
Who is guilty?
It is important that under no circumstances should the child feel guilty for the divorce of the parents. Or if in such a case, the child prefers the parent who caused the rest.
You may not feel comfortable talking about the father, but the child should not feel that he is against his father. Both parents must maintain communication with the child, after the divorce, otherwise they will feel unfortunate and guilty of divorce.
How to create a new family?
There is a rule that, perhaps, will surprise many people. Under no circumstances should you ask the child for permission for your new spouse to live with you. It is inadmissible to change the responsibility for the fatal decision you made to the child. A new marriage is your choice.
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Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://deisip67.vornix.blog/2018/09/10/school-for-parents-speaking-of-divorce-at-what-age-is-it-easier-for-a-child-to-survive-the-divorce-of-their-parents/