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Responding to children often leaves parents crazy. But there are specific reasons why these children respond in that way.
Although reactive and rebellious children often drive us crazy, those attitudes are part of the way they express their feelings. The time your baby adjusted to the habits and requirements was left behind. Now the child seeks to reaffirm his personality.
There are several reasons that interfere with the education of children who respond. Well, there are many causes that can cause unfavorable situations in the psychological and emotional balance of children. Therefore, in this article, we will clarify why your child tends to respond and what are the action plans that you should adopt.
The problem of children responding poorly
Why do our children lose admiration and respect for us? There is a simple and basic answer. This is another phase of growth in which, from the age of 9, children try to separate effectively from their parents and reaffirm their personality.
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This is due to the fact that, during growth, babies need to differentiate themselves from their parents to form their own identity. And, precisely, the simplest way out is to differentiate themselves from the only thing they know, the family. It is at that moment that begins the phase of the answers, that extends until the adolescence.
This new stage comes to destroy the one in which the little one sees his father or his mother as the best in the world. They were the most beautiful, intelligent and strong. Until that time, the child was emotionally dependent on the parents' perception of building their own self-esteem.
Over the years, however, the same sense of admiration disappears, as it becomes more realistic. The child begins to observe his parents in an antagonistic way. Parents become the ones who do everything wrong and know nothing.
Therefore, the idea that responding to children are rebellious and disobedient is very wrong. Even when the adult's view of this unhappy behavior does not coincide with that of an "educated child." In short, this behavior is necessary and positive to develop the personality of children.
Children, who respond for everything: what is behind them?
Thus, while it is difficult not to reprimand such attitudes, experts agree that it is better to investigate the causes of irritation and teach youngsters to adequately express feelings. Express in a more acceptable way and within the limits of respect and consideration.
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The idea is to educate emotionally because when children respond aggressively, they express irritation, frustration, fear and even show that they feel hurt. In itself, the problem would not be related to the feelings of the child, but to the way in which it expresses them.
Why do children stop admiring parents?
Considering cognitive development.
As for the merely cognitive aspect, children stop idolizing their parents, since the initially magical thought between the ages of 3 and 5 becomes more realistic and critical. Thus, parents stop being idealized and begin to be imperfect.
From the age of six, infantile thinking gradually becomes more logical and rational, although the emotional bond with the father figures remains very strong. Thus, it will take a little more time for them to see and understand that parents are not omnipotent.
Only between the ages of 9 and 11 does the child's thinking become eminently critical. Then they will begin to understand that every fact has advantages and disadvantages. At that age, the child will begin to mediate and evaluate the actions of parents and colleagues.
Regarding emotional development
On the other hand, the emotional development of all the children causes the necessity of separating affectively from the parents. Therefore, they will question their parents for making mistakes. The children who respond to criticize and fail to obey with complacency what the elders ordered the children respond.
In the same way as in the well-known "no phase", which occurs when the child is two years old, these children respond through their actions to reaffirm their own identity. But, in those cases, they do not appeal to attacks of anger. They do it through cross-questions and answers.
How to act with children who respond poorly?
Maintain a reflective attitude. These normal childhood behaviors can be prevented calmly by simply identifying and even avoiding those situations that provoke cross-responses from children. Search to know what's behind Children can respond because they often mimic situations seen in movies, series or in real life. They receive an accumulation of inappropriate messages. In this way, there may be a pattern in your child's behavior when he responds poorly. Therefore, pay attention to what you consume culturally and in the demands imposed. But always listen to your child, try to understand until the end. Understand what you feel and what you want to achieve. Choose the battles worth fighting. First of all, evaluate if "it is worth generating an argument for that". If it is an extremely important problem, set the limit and determine what the behavior should be. But if it's irrelevant, save the distaste and offer the autonomy your child desires. Set the limit in advance. It is essential that the children who respond understand what words are allowed and which are strictly prohibited.
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It would also be interesting to explain to children that we can not always or should say everything we think. Keep your composure. Ideally, do not overreact or make a big fight because of the words and tone of voice the child uses. Of course, we should not "pay in the same currency" either. Well, there is no better way to educate children than to set the example. Control your patience Do not argue or negotiate with the child after an act of insolence. This will only reinforce his behavior. Just tell us what will be the consequence of the behavior and, in case of recidivism, place the consequence in practice. Also, do not punish or humiliate the child in public. Explain with confidence that you will not allow in any way to act rudely and that this will cause some consequence. Offer options. If you give the child the possibility of making some decisions in the day, you reduce the need to impose oneself offensively. Therefore, when appropriate, provide opportunities for the child to choose, without pressure, allowing him to decide everything or at least what is most important to him. Clearly, all alternatives must be acceptable to you and you must accept the child's decision with all the rigor.
An important note in summary:
In the first place, this work is what we are looking for so that we can understand and identify the problems of rebelliousness and lightness of the words of our children, so as not to raise ravens inside our houses, not act with due discipline or have not done the best decision about the child, and not get carried away by the sentimentality that children often take advantage of or want to manipulate at will, so parents are better to cry a little now that after our children grow up and are behind bars or when there is nothing to do for them.
Source of information
- https://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/development/behavioral/when-does-discipline-begin/
- https://www.goalcast.com/2018/07/20/what-parents-with-narcissistic-kids-do/
- https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/child-fandoms#what's-normal?
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://roseri.vornix.blog/2018/07/25/the-children-respond-where-did-i-fail-why-does-my-son-respond-so-badly/