No matter how you twist and turn it, no matter the preparation, it must be mind shattering, the bigger the contrasts, the bigger the 'growth'. No matter how many people surround you, at any given time, you are and will be alone with your own mind.
So for me personally, I've had gut punches and 'softer stuff'. The soft stuff, didn't do much for me. For me it takes actual deaths of loved ones, contrasting experiences mostly on my own, with minimal preparation for their actual happenings.
The world and the mind is a confounding thing, where opinions aren't attitudes. Actions aren't thoughts and yet need thought to be done. Saying no to yourself mostly just does nothing against or for whatever behaviour you're trying to stop, or bring into a natural rhythm with your own self.
Being your inner Police, or policing other people... Just OUCH. If you 'know'/ understand this, not doing too much against or for other people, seems like the only way, except for these spontaneously arising situations.

If I am honest, I wouldn't want it any other way, for such is probably the only way I could learn or change my attitudes, seeing how I have acted so far :D.

Your questions will hopefully deter some people to just wait and let mellow they're problems, to learn about each of their problems, hopefully without too much of inner criticism.