Hello and Welcome to another episode of lifechronicles. Today I want to talk about those people you see in the office environment or at social gatherings that gossip about others, in a bad way. You know them, you've come across them I'm sure. Maybe you're even one of them, who knows. Maybe you were one and became wise and stopped.
You see, when you gossip about others, it's because you are insecure about yourself. You bad mouth others so you feel better about yourself. I was there, I used to bad mouth others. I used to find any reason I could to start up a gossip "talk" with others. And let's face it, people love to talk. Especially about themselves. But they love it more when they can join in and bad mouth others with others.
It's actually quite pathetic if you come to think of it. Why bad mouth others especially when they're not around to defend themselves. It's so easy right? Because that person isn't there to tell the others, "Hey, that's a load of bullcrap". Your insecurity is your problem. Don't disrespect others so that you can empower yourself. It shows bad character to say the least. If you have a problem with someone, then be a man and tell that person to their face! Don't go around and tell others while they're not present.
When you hear someone gossiping about others, you can politely tell them that you don't want to be part of it and that they can take their "conversation" elsewhere.
“Please do not put anything in my head that you expect me to not act on. I will not carry around a conclusion about another person without sharing it with them.”
You don't know what they are saying is true or not. It's merely gossip, so don't be a fool and believe everything that is told to you. Tell that person to stop. By doing this you're showing them that your character doesn't allow you being part of bad mouthing people, it shows that you are more mature than that person, emotionally. It also shows them that you have integrity, something that they might want to look into for themselves.
Or better yet, when approach by a gossiper, and said person starts their conversation with, "Oh, have you heard....", then you stop them right there and say, "Why don't we go to [insert person's name here] and see what they have to say about this story you're telling me". Right there and then I almost guarentee you that person will back off and most probably give some lame excuse why it wouldn't be a good idea to include the person who's been gossiped about.
As mentioned before, I used to gossip. And the most messed up thing was that when I saw that person again, I would carry on as if they were my best friend. Talk about being two-faced! Sheesh! Now, if I'm in the company of someone who vents, fair enough, I'll allow them to vent. I mean, everyone needs to blow off some steam every now and then. However, if that venting session start to turn into a bad-mouthing session of whomever, then I calmly and politely say, "I understand you're frustrated, but go and speak bad about so-and-so somewhere else. Not in my company".
When you do that, the person sees that you won't tolerate being a part of bad mouthing someone. They see you have some respect at least, and they see that you won't be yet another gossip buddy for them. Let me ask you, how would you like it if people talked badly about you, and others joined in? Fair enough, we cannot stop people talking badly about others, that's just life. However, we can choose to not participate in that bad mouthing session. And if people don't like it if I say no to their gossip party, then tough! That's your problem, not mine.
Let's show those who gossip that we are better than that. Let's show them that we have a better character in that department. However, we should also try and let them see how negative it is to bad mouth someone. Because most of us have been there already, so we aren't completely pure and perfect. Say to that person in a nice yet firm way that what they're doing is wrong, and that they have the choice to rather remain silent and vent some other way. It's bad to gossip about others. It's bad. Plain and simple. Be better than that. No matter what people think of you, be better than that!