The last time I was in a relationship was three years ago. Yeah surprising right? What could be the problem? Trust me,my not being in a relationship is not because I have not been getting proposals (lol) but because of my fear to fall in love. I have discovered I find it difficult to put myself out there to love and be loved in return. What could this be called? Hence my journey into the world of science to find out what this situation is known as and it is called Philophobia. "Philo", a word meaning love and "phobia", meaning fear.
What is philophobia?
According to wikipedia
Philophobia is the fear of falling in love or emotional attachment. The risk is usually when a person has confronted any emotional turmoil relating to love.
Philophobia affects the quality of life and makes the person afraid of commitment. Have you found yourself asking these questions; what is happening to me? Why does the idea of falling in love make me scared? Why am I afraid of commitment? Then you might just be philophobic.
When a philophobe feels like love is about to hit them, the normal reaction is to remove themselves from the unpleasant situation as soon as possible. The situation blocks them from moving forward. Philophobic individuals are always drowned in panic when about to fall in love and this leaves the person with whom they have started a relationship with confused about the whole situation. Philophobe often retreat into long periods of solitude driving away anyone who tries to get too close. They enjoy being alone. Philophobia is more common in woman than in men.
People with philophobia build their own world where they feel safe and comfortable. They build a barrier between the outside world and the inner world and hence find it difficult to let someone into their territory to open their soul and share their thoughts and feelings. They are always quick to build a defence and avoid what could be another disappointment.
Causes of Philophobia
Although heartbreak is one of the major causes of Philophobia in humans, there are other factors that can make one afraid to love and be loved such as
Bad parental upbringing. A child brought up in a scandalous home where physical abuse thrives and infidelity will grow up with fear of creating a family.
Bad sexual experiences such as rape, rude and cynical attitude of one's sexual partner can also bring about traumatic experience leading to Philophobia.
Divorce
Loss of a loved one
According to Russell
To fear love is to fear life and those who fear life are already three parts dead.
Symptoms of Philophobia
symptoms may vary from individual to individual. They may include both emotional and physical reactions such as
- Feeling of intense fear or panic
- Avoidance
- Nausea
- Difficulty in breathing
- Rapid heartbeat
- Sweating.
Note that Philophobia is not a social anxiety disorder.
How does a philophobe act in the area of love
A person who is philophobic tends to always look for flaws in the person they are attracted to. Philophobe tend to always get attracted to people who they already know will break their heart. This is done to justify to themselves and others that they are not in a relationship because they can't find the right person.
Philophobe maintains a superficial relationship and cannot build a relationship of trust with anyone. Everybody is seen as a potential heartbreaker.
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They never let go of the past. They seek their ex in every new relationship prospect they meet even though they are completely different in nature and personality. They just can't help it. The ex betrayed and shattered them, what is the assurance the new person won't do same?
Philophobe sees love as a cage. To them being in a relationship means losing freedom and changing lifestyle. They can't bring themselves to make any commitments. Philophobe do not think they are up to the challenge of meeting the expectations of their partner or carrying out responsibilities that comes with any long term relationship.
They prefer keeping friends with benefits. They love the sex but can't bring themselves to spend too much time with the person doing other things that do not necessary involve sex.
Treatment of Philophobia
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
This helps the person to become aware of what is happening to him or her, recognising and understanding the mental process that led him or her to feel intense fear. CBT is probably the most ideal treatment method for Philophobia. The therapist conducts regular talking and sharing sessions and changes the Outlook of the person towards love.Exposure therapy: the therapist establishes a scene similar to that found in the patient suffering from Philophobia. Having an appointment with someone facing similar situation helps reduce anxiety and fearful nature towards the prospect of love.
Drugs: medicines can also be used in severe cases to control anxiety in person dealing with philophobia. Commonly used drugs are antidepressants and anxiolytics.
Hypnotherapy: it is a rather an unconventional approach. It requires the patient to relinquish control to the therapist. Hypnotherapy can identify the cause of the panic attack and help remove deep seated fears regarding relationship.
How to love a Philophobic person
First recognise that it is a serious fear and even though you have trouble understanding it, know that it is what they are going through is no fault of theirs.
Do a research and find out more about Philophobia
Never pressure them to do things they are not willing to do.
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If it seems appropriate, encourage them to seek help and help them find it.
Give them your full support in anyway you can.
Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world. There is no feeling better than falling in love. Find someone you really care for and spend intimate moments with the person. Open your heart and share your hopes and fears . This is an indescribable feeling
