During the hardest times and the lowest lows I heavily rely on my great superpower ability to withstand a wide variety of psychological pressures. But since even superpowers have limits, at times I also look for something else to help me go through whatever is happening.
This help I find in my own thoughts and meditations, nature, physical work, but also in books, films, music, and other works of brilliant human minds.
There have been times of weakness when I tried to deal with difficulties by succumbing to alcohol, hibernation-like sleep, and feeling tired and sorry for myself, but if you‘ve been there as well, you know that these “methods” don’t solve anything, can easily turn into addictions, and only make things worse in the long run.
Various substances and stress-eating aside, there is a multitude of CLEAN strategies and philosophical teachings that may help deal with life pressures, dire circumstances, manic/depressive episodes, dopamine lows, betrayals and disappointments, financial struggles, and other challenging things that can happen literally any moment and last for who knows how long.
Since we are all different, each of us will find one or the other strategy more or less fitting their own character and temperament. Taking that into consideration I understand that what’s good for me can be either good, disastrous, or simply NOT effective for someone else. I hope you understand it too, and subsequently realize that what I am talking about is MY and ONLY MY life experience, experiment, and adventure.
What’s been working for me for the past several weeks has been Stoicism. No, it hasn’t made me a superhuman completely impenetrable to various mental and psychological attacks from the outside and from within — that might take years growing up with a specific mentality and rigorous physical and psychological training. BUT it does help clear the mind of all the rubbish, and give a little push in the right direction.
“Have I been made for this, to lie under the blankets and keep myself warm?”
~ Marcus Aurelius
Stoic philosophy is clean, clear, and simple to understand. Stoicism itself has gone through a number of transformations (modern day “stoicism” differs in some ways from the ancient one), but the core principles remain intact, and in the times of my emotional turmoil, doubt, and weakness I have found them to be super helpful.
My man has come across it first, and I am so grateful for that! I don’t remember exactly when he started listening to the stoic philosophy, but I believe it was some time during a very challenging period of our life when both of us were very down, paranoid, stressed out, and overall miserable. Stoic philosophy beautifully correlated with the practice of “dopamine detox” which we both needed, but in two different ways. My loved one was coming off of a very dark and mind-destroying substance, and I was succumbing to my own (seemingly less destructive, but also truly damaging) habits and faults.
The one thing I like about Stoic stuff is that it puts emphasis on the need to stop dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. It advises to focus on our present instead since it’s the only thing we can actively exist in. Do your best in the present moment, and you will be strong and clever enough to deal with whatever comes in the future. There is really no point of worrying about anything that will happen. It may happen, or it may not. Whatever comes, one can be best prepared for it by doing his or her very best IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. Being worried and stressed about things to come doesn’t help resolve them even if they do happen in the worst way possible.
Stoicism isn’t the only school of thought that emphasizes this. Many philosophical and spiritual teachings speak of the need to stop hanging out in the past or fixating the mind on worries about the future. Mostly “warrior-like” paths advise to focus on the present moment. To me, the stoic teachings are very straightforward and functional, easily applied even in our complicated modern life.
Another thing that stoicism emphasizes is the idea that one’s happiness and well-being shouldn’t heavily depend on external things or events, or on what other people do.
It is our responsibility and our choice to be either sad or happy at any given moment of our life. Our attitude to whatever happens and our choices and actions (not someone else’s!) is the main driving force of how we feel, how we live, and who we truly are.
Basic example: a person who practices stoicism would not succumb to irritation or full-blown road rage while stuck in traffic. He or she will understand that traffic is something that happens as an inevitable part of life in a heavily populated area. A stoic person will treat it as a non significant nuisance beyond his/her control. If something is beyond our control, the only thing we can influence is our own attitude to it. Why lose energy and life force on something that can’t be changed no matter how high your stress levels go? No amount of irritation, anger, and frustration will clear the traffic. The only thing that will happen is pointless loss of the precious mental and physical energy.
“Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens.”
~ Epictetus
Of course there is much more to this philosophy, and I am only in the very beginning of understanding it more deeply or employing it more actively. Curiously, many of the beliefs and attitudes to life correlate with what was written by Carlos Castaneda.
Also, there are some things I disagree with… or rather would add to in accordance with my own character, spirit, and life path.
For instance, stoicism relies heavily on mind and reason, but I am also a dreamer and a wanderer, and I do want to leave room for things like senses, intuition, and occasional succumbing to very strong emotions. Stoicism, as far as I understand it at this point, doesn’t deny the importance of the deeper thing — feelings, but advices to understand and reign emotions. I believe that emotions can also be used as a fuel to boost human potential to achieve whatever it is that must be done on every individual life path.
I’d say Stoic way of life is a go-to when someone is at the point where emotions, fears, and weaknesses become a destructive factor. Stoicism also seems to be a very “masculine” thing (energy-wise, I feel this as a more male approach to life), but that can be balanced with adding various female spiritual practices. I believe one shouldn’t limit him/herself to ONE super-narrow approach, but take the most useful practices, beliefs, and strategies from many teachings and combine them.
Also, no matter how much we take and learn from various teachings, ultimately the main ”teacher” is our own experience and perception. That is, a human being can read and listen a lot, have some spiritual beliefs to guide them, have favorite authors and philosophers, or even a real-life living teacher to trust and learn from, BUT there has to be something else — other states of perception and consciousness where we perceive and learn directly from the world by “listening” to the universe, nature, our own silence, silence of the human social mind, our physical body, and our very existence, life itself. That’s the purest, clearest way, and it feels and seems a bit animalistic, almost non-human to just be there and perceive, but in combination with very well developed willpower, senses, intuition, and the “rational mind” NOT ruled by common petty fears and worries there is a lot of clarity and power in that approach.