It's been about four weeks since I've spoken to Sean. His phone goes straight to voicemail. There were no responses to my emails. This isn't like him at all.Something must be wrong. He might have had another episode.
That's what Sean calls it "an episode". We both wished it was a fictional series. Something that goes away with a click.But, it isn't and it never will be. Sean's mental illness will forever be apart of him. Whenever his mind decided to snap, all hell broke loose. No one wanted to be around him. No one understood that he wasn't acting mad intentionally.
I met Sean in June, a few months after his latest espisode. I read about him in the local paper. He was a writer like me. Why am I talking about Sean like he is still not here?He must be here, somewhere. I refuse to believe anything else. He is a writer, a great one. Most of all he is a wonderful person.
I miss him. The conversations we had were meaningful. He had so much insight. He listened to me, really listened. And his smile lit up any room.I never met someone who was more human. He had such a compassionate soul. I'm not sure many saw Sean for the man he was. He was the realest.
But, society so quick to judge and segregrate anyone who didn't fit in didn't do right by him. They swept him under the rug, forsaked him, branded him with their cruel words and actions. "A mad man" they might have said.To me, Sean was a genius, the write kind.
The first time I went to met Sean, a few people warned me to be careful.I never felt afraid. We had such a lovely evening, there wasn't even a tinge of awkwardness. Afterwards, he followed me to my bus stop. He was quite a gentleman and even though he had no cash, he refused my offer to buy him something.
Where are you now, Sean?I called Bellevue Hospital. I called his parish's hospital and got no information. I contacted those who knew him and his work but not one could give me any updates.
The last time he had an episode, he was alone,on the streets. They stole his phone.He had no means to contact anyone. He had to seek shelter at a hospital.
I typed his full name in Google. The only thing came up was his Twitter he recently began to use frequently.Sean was not a social media person.I had encouraged him to use social media more to advertise his work. He had several poetry books on Amazon that weren't selling though his work was amazing. His last tweet was mid-August, the same time I spoke to him.
My eyes stung. I didn't want to type the dreadful words but I had to know. I typed his full name and added 'dead' beside it. Waited....The page load and a recent 2016 post came up in the search. My heart leaped. I looked closer, it was in another country. Oh thank you,Jesus. He must still be alive. Maybe alone but still alive.
I forced my tears back. I will not allow fear and worry to consume me. I will look for Sean physically. I didn't know where I would find the money to travel. But if I don't, who will?Sean has to know that he has one friend who truly care about him. And I will not allow him to be alone for this episode.