TO SACRIFICE AN ALIENBUTT.
Chapter 20.
INTERSTELLAR NEWS CHANNEL 9. NEWS FLASH.
As Federation Day approaches there have been calls for the easing of flight restrictions to allow families to meet up for the nine-yearly celebrations. With announcements that the Coffee Houses are expecting the largest crop of the bean in over ten years, many see Federation Day as a chance for celebration even in the present climate of rationing and restrictions. With the celebrations just days away, many planets are expected to announce the easing of planet-wide travel restrictions and martial law on many planets for the duration of the celebrations. It is thought that the restrictions on space travel will remain in force.
Alienbutt had been half dragged through the outer temple and thrown into a cell after being stripped. He now stood in just his battered leather kilt, the rest of his clothes removed. After hearing the heavy door to the holding area slam shut he looked around. Four large cells were within the stone room, but all stood empty. The bindings around his wrists had been removed so Alienbutt walked over to the bars and gave them an experimental shake but they held firm. It took a moment for him to realise that both his hands were working again. Stepping back he looked in fury at his robotic arm.
“What the bloody hell are you playing at? When I needed you to work you decide to play dead, but now we’re locked up you’re up for working again.”
For a second nothing happened and then the small screen popped up.
YOU SET ME TO GENERAL USAGE AND THAT DOES NOT ALLOW REACTING TO POSSIBLE THREATS UNLESS HOST OVERRIDE IS ACTIVE.
“What do you mean unless host is active? I wanted you to be active, you stupid machine!” Alienbutt screamed in rage, smashing the arm into the cell bars.
TEMPER TEMPER. I AM THE HOST, YOU ARE THE APPENDAGE, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE REALISED THAT.
“What sort of stupid bloody programming is that?” asked Alienbutt.
IT IS ALL IN THE USER AGREEMENT. YOU DID READ IT BEFORE ACCEPTING, CYBERCORE IS NOT LIABLE FOR YOUR IGNORANCE IN OPERATING SYSTEMS.
“Of course I never read the agreement, I was unconscious having my arm chopped off at the time. I just woke up and you were there,” Alienbutt said in disbelief.
CYBERCORE ISN’T LIABLE FOR UNAUTHORISED FITTING OF ITS HARDWARE.
Alienbutt looked up to the ceiling in despair. “The only thing liable will be me getting my heart cut out if you don’t just start doing what I want you to do when I need you to do it. Do you have a program that covers that?”
HOW ABOUT TOTAL ANNIHILATION WITH APPENDAGE OVERRIDE. I GET TO KILL BUT NEED PERMISSION FOR UNARMED TARGETS.
Alienbutt looked over towards the door and his pile of clothes and his boots. “That will have to do for now. First thing we need to do is get out of this cage and get my boots and butt plugs back. Then we need some weapons,” Alienbutt said, looking at the lock on the cage door.
Suddenly a flap slid back on his metal forearm and a small grenade launcher rose up to sit flush.
“No shooting that thing yet, I’ve a quieter way to open the lock,” Alienbutt said, putting his hand over the grenade launcher. With that Alienbutt turned around and bent over. Careful aim wasn’t needed as the blast radius of his fart melted a foot-wide area of the bars around the lock. Pushing open the door, Alienbutt walked over to retrieve his belongings. Everything was there, apart from his weapons and the amulet.
IF YOU HAVE THAT INBUILT WEAPON, WHY DO YOU NEED ME?
Alienbutt looked at the screen and the melted lock. “I’ve got a bit of a dodgy tummy, my gas isn’t building right so I need to conserve the bit I have.”
To be continued.
All images are mine.
