I put on my raincoat and sneakers and left the house. The rain poured down aggressively and the drops were hitting the ground pretty hard. The clouds were dark grey and heavy. Under the hood I felt protected and almost invisible. It’s not like there were many people out there anyway…
The damp air was fresh. Fresh air against the muddy and wet asphalt… just like my sad face against the happiness hidden deep inside.
Contradictions… everywhere.
From one couple running fast to get a shelter from the rain to another one, which stood and kissed under it.
Different people… different lives… different thoughts… They all have the same desire though… They all want to be happy. It’s another question that happiness is not the same for everyone. It’s completely another thing that many don’t even know what will make them happy.
They think they know, but they don’t… and they don’t even know that they don’t.
I walk and recall different periods of my life… all of them with me and the rain in it. Thinking back I realize that I’ve been walking alone under the rain way too often.
At first the loneliness was annoying me. I was feeling incomplete and vulnerable walking alone under the rain.
But slowly things changed. With the time I realized that it is better to be alone than with the wrong people and the loneliness became a nice companion.
I did not feel alone anymore because I was walking hand in hand with my loneliness, which was faithful and nice. I did not need to explain myself to him. It did not need any excuses. It even hugged me sometimes making me feel warm and cosy.
Before I lived in a country where it was either raining or it had just stopped raining. If not those two then it inevitably was going to rain pretty soon. Maybe that is why after a while the gloomy clouds and the raindrops had become part of my life bringing that certain melancholy and sadness to ordinary things.
Sitting on the window pane and watching the drops hit the glass I often tried to understand the message they were bringing like the Morse code… but never managed to do that completely. With each new rain I still wonder what they are saying…
Sometimes the raindrops hitting the glass were in synchronous with me typing… it was my attempt to translate raindrops into words.
As you can probably guess it is raining again today.
But things have changed now. I no longer try to understand rain’s message. I am no longer chasing happiness cause the one deep inside me is enough.
I no longer feel lonely cause I am not.
What has stayed the same though is how aggressive the rain is and how hard do the raindrops hit the ground.
Oh and the life contradictions, of course!