"Taylor is so mad."
"I wanna apologize! Where is she?", I really wanted to, but I didn't want to as well! I'm the worst friend ever.
"You are such a bitch Lana, you slept with your best friend's almost-boyfriend, that too in the night she was to fuck him."
"Which best friend? Taylor or you, Sel?"
"What?"
"I know you're crushing on him, you're a traitor too!"
"You slept with him! What a whore!", she was mad, so mad. "You knew it right? You knew I like the guy, and Taylor liked him too, you didn't have to act like you were not hunting for him. It's cool okay? Do whatever, that guy doesn't mean anything to me, but our friendship did."
"Just tell me where is Tay?"
"Fuck you!", She rolled her eyes and slammed the bathroom door on me.
Sel had ended her three year old romance to go to college. She told me how she met a guy lot older than her at a poetry slam to fall madly in love with him. Every friday, she'd go to the poetry club to read out the love poems she wrote for him. She is such a beautiful poet, even amiable when it comes to love. She worshipped love as her art and wrote pieces on it. Her break up poem was a masterpiece! She cried performing it as a goodbye. Just no reason to wave it, distance maybe?
And I, I'm doomed. I'm such a bad girl, a horny one. The sin was worth it though! The thought of Adam was enough for me to not feel bad for both Tay and Sel and also enough to feel bad for them. This act of mine was a convincing proof of my lack of respect towards my girls; I never had good friends anyway. Will they ever forgive me? Even if they don't, I got the guy, so I win. Well, actually I didn't, he must have forgotten my name by now. Oh Adam, that manipulative hot devil! How he undressed my morals off me, how he kissed my consciousness away.
I wanted to call him, but what would I say? We hadn't even talked much the other night, calling him right now would be stupid, he'd just think I'm desperate or even worse, clingy. I decided to act like a complete stranger and forget everything. He wasn't my problem, my friends were! I couldn't lose my friends over a random hookup.
I left the dorm room leaving Sel alone. She seemed upset and I couldn't blame her for that. I knew her feelings for Adam all along but that didn't stop me on being such a bitch. It wasn't the first time I ditched my friend, ah well friends! I have history with such crimes, the reason I don't have a real best friend, the reason I don't talk to my high school friends anymore.
I remember Taylor talk about Adam for the first time. She was planning a hookup from the beginning but that passion was long lost since her heart was miserably broken the last time. Adam brought it back; it was different with him, different from any other guy she was with in the past month.
"Lana", I heard Taylor's voice. Ah! What a relief. I turned back to see Taylor, and well... Adam! She was in her boyfriend jeans and high heels, all pretty; her make up done.
"Look who's engaged!", Taylor showed me her ring, holding Adam tight with her other hand. Adam left a smirk.
"Yes! He proposed to me, with a ring.", Taylor smiled at us, like a school girl who somehow convinced the teacher to give her the part in the play which everyone else auditioned for. She was more proud than happy, that ring was her trophy and she beat us real bad. All of me was mad at Taylor, I convinced myself it was for Sel but deep down, the muscles of my heart were curling for myself, for the bed I shared with Adam; I was heartbroken without a plan. I left a part of me with him, my soul felt empty. Like I've left my sweet tooth inside his blankets, I wanted to go back and bring it with me.
"You said yes? You guys were not even dating, and now he's your fiance; that's absurd!". Sel was right, but I had no right to let my mind battle over right and wrong, I had done something so wrong, that felt absolutely right. "Even after what happened last night, you think this is the best thing to do?", I could see Sel hiding her tears. I guess I was hiding mine too.
"I like him, he proposed! People sleep around all the time, it doesn't matter. Lana, it was 'no strings attached' kind of thing right? He doesn't even remember your name.", Ah Taylor, you hurt me! Yeah, he probably doesn't even remember my name, but still.. he can't! He called me by my name last night. I just gave a sarcastic smile. Whatever she was up to, wasn't right. She probably didn't know about Sel's crush but she knew the game, she wanted to compete in this imaginary field. I felt less shitty after this, since Tay did something worse. At least I didn't let him put a ring on me. But, my heart was a whole different story, to which both Taylor and Sel were unknown of, even I was unknown of. Sel left the room, I could see why. She must be feeling the loneliest at the time, and probably missing her guy.
I couldn't get my mind off of what Taylor said. Does he really not remember my name? Ah, that can't be possible, my name is made up of two syllables, it's like impossible to forget. At least not after what happened between us the other night. The person I wanted to make it up to was Sel, and nobody else.
"I miss Mark.", Sel had a beer in her hand and the cool wind kissed her dark hair. The view of the campus looked the best from our balcony. I often wondered what night does to people, especially when you're sitting on the edge of a balcony trying to figure things out. You're this far from the people you love, you are trying to love the people in here but that emptiness doesn't go away, nothing call fill you. No matter how much you care about these people, it is just four years and that graduation hat will rush your tears out. And nights, they make people cry. Just enough to regret the next morning about the hormones that conquered your night.
"Why didn't you ever approach Adam?", I was curious, I really was. If she liked him enough, why didn't she ever say a 'Hello', my question was sincere.
"I don't know.", she took a deep breath, "Maybe, I wanted to think of him as something that he is not."
"Huh?"
"He's better in my imagination. He is something else, but I make myself think that he is someone like Mark. You know, it's just in my mind actually, I don't want anything real with him."
"I know what you're talking about.", I wanted to let her know about my limited knowledge on the guy I spent a night with. I wanted to make her feel like she's better off without him, he wasn't her type. But, I knew it wasn't the best time to talk about the other night, or anything about Adam and me.
"Forget it, he isn't my type anyway, and he probably doesn't date girls like me.", You go girl!
"So, aren't you heartbroken?", I asked.
"Yes, I definitely am! I've lost my muse, I guess I won't be writing poems about him anymore. Such withdrawal sucks."
"You wrote poems about him?". What was I thinking? Of course she did! "Let me read them! Cmon." I couldn't stop smiling. She handed her phone to me. It read "He's a bad boy, a knife to my skin, a thorn to my heart....".