Being fat is unhealthy and I know this for a lot of different reasons.I know it because i'm on high blood pressure medication,I know because I'm on diabetes medication and I know because my doctor tells me I'm not healthy. Even if it wasn't for all that I still know because books,movies,magazines, music, television and the Internet they all remind me every day that being fat is wrong,being fat is something to be laughed at and made fun of that fat people should be shaped and then they try to make me feel like a shit.
I had a friend named Joe, who was always making fun of me for being fat. We go out to eat and he make fun of how much I ate. We go for a walk and he make fun of how easily i got out of breath. He make fun of the clothes that I wear and at the way that I looked. And one day I had enough and I cornered him and I said "man why are you always making fun of me? why do you always hurt my feelings? why do you want me to feel bad about myself? " and He says " May I'm worried about you. I find the shape of your body, At the way that you look, at the way that you can't breathe, the amount that you eat " disgusting " and I'm surprised you don't find that disgusting and I'm trying to make you feel ashamed of who you are and make you feel bad about it so that you make the decision to make a change.
He was right about one thing, he did make me feel really really bad about myself. So we would go out for lunch and I'd order lunch and he would make fun of me for how much I was eating and that made me feel bad. So I'd order dessert because desert makes me feel good or we could go out for a walk and he would make fun of me because I couldn't walk very far because of my weight and my knees and my back or I couldn't breathe very good.
Eventually I stopped hanging out with Joe. Unfortunately for me, Joe is not the only person who did that. Every time I log on to the internet someone's making fun of fat people facebook. Every time I turn on the television and watch one of my favorite shows. Every time I see a photoshopped image of someone who looks impossibly skinny . And I realize that I'm not part of that exclusive club of young hip attractive beautiful skinny people, fact I'm part of a completely different group, a group that gets made fun of every day and gets mocked and gets tortured and get shamed.
And do you know what that makes me want to do? It makes me want to eat. I'm not fat just because I like food. Skinny people like food they aren't fat, in fact for most of very large people overeating isn't the problem . Its just a symptom of a larger problem that can stem from anxiety disorders, depression or other psychological illnesses. And so we eat because it stops the anxiety for a little while, we eat because it pushes the depression. Every time I catch you staring and every joke that I'm not supposed to hear, every time you make fun of me on the internet. It makes my self-esteem smaller, it makes me more anxious and more depressed, so I eat.
So you know what,I'm not proud to be fat but i'm not ashamed either. This is my body, I hate my giant mantits, I hate my neck, I hate my fat disgusting neck,I hate my gut and I hate every inch of the body I'm in. But you know what I'm not ashamed.
Maybe I will figure out what went wrong in my head that would make me do this to myself and maybe I will lose the weight or maybe I will die fat and young but I'll tell you what your hate-filled bullshit isn't going to make a difference either way.
Thanks for my new friend who support me to make a change..
you even make diet program for me...haha