Tweasy the witch nervously paced to and fro in the kitchen of her small bungalow, staring at a black leather grimoire lying on the counter. Light jazz played on the stereo in the living room and the scent of lavender incense drifted in the air. She huffed, pinned back her curly brown hair, and opened the book to chapter nine. It began with, “Let me give you a top ten list of things not to do when you break up with an incubus.”
Tweasy’s heart ached as she read the page. It had been two months since she conjured the spell that brought forth her date for the Witches’ Ball. There wasn’t a decent warlock in the surrounding counties, so she summoned the perfect man. Her friends warned her not to, but her curiosity had gotten the best of her. Now, the handsome devil distracted her from her witchy business with romance. At first it was exciting, but like all good things became too much and she needed to get her life back, she needed to send the demon to the netherworld.
Her fingers glided across the ancient text, warped by the tears of witches who’d come before her. The usual spells were off the list: you can’t use fire, water, shadow’s bane, newt’s tail, or bat’s guts. Never turn it into the undead, it warned, or use any magical enchant to rid yourself of demon’s love. Counter love potions would make things worse. It can’t be killed with physical objects, and lawyers, being demons themselves, are ineffective. The last line on the page, bolded and underlined, read, “The incubus must leave on its own accord.”
She rolled up her sleeves and marched into the parlor where the demon sat reclined on the couch. His button-down shirt hung loosely open, exposing his chiseled form. Locks of blond hair dangled playfully in front of his perfect face. His blue eyes blazed as he sketched on a piece of paper. The scene could have easily been a cover for a romance novel. Tweasy glanced at the sketch, it was a drawing of the two of them in an adult pose, for a moment Tweasy wondered if she was flexible enough.
“Oh, hello,” said the demon, smiling suggestively as he looked up at her.
“Don’t hello me, demon. We’ve had a lot of fun and I let you stay around much longer than I should have. It’s time for you to go. I need to get back to my responsibilities.”
The demon pouted. “But what about all the fun times we’ve had together.”
“I’ve enjoyed them…probably a bit too much. A person can’t live like that forever.” She paused taking in the gorgeous man looking up at her, feeling her conviction slipping away. “I need to get back to work, there’s witchy business that needs to be done.”
The demon pondered Tweasy’s words, raising one eyebrow and tapping the pencil on his lips as if he were modeling for the cover of a magazine. Finally he said, “I understand.”
“You do?” replied Tweasy confused.
“Yes. You’re an amazing woman and our love has distracted you. But instead of leaving, why not let me stay. I can help around the house, run errands for you, make you happy.” He winked.
Tweasy stared at the Demon, losing herself in his blue eyes. “Ok, but things are going to change around here. We can’t live like we’re on a honeymoon forever. I’m going to stop being so lady like.”
“How so?”
“Well for starters, I get gassy.”
The demon smiled, “No worries, love, I’ve heard and think its cute.”
“You’ll have to do my laundry if you want to stay. Mind you, I have a bit of hyperhidrosis and it gets odorous in the summer.”
The demon smiled, “I’m envious of the clothes that get to be so close to you.”
Tweasy kept going, “I plan to become a cat lady. I only have one cat and any respectable witch has at least five, there’ll be plenty of kitty litter to clean. Oh, the fun times are over! I expect the house to be spotless when I comes home. Bills best be paid, grass cut, and the dust dusted.” She paused to catch her breath.
“Your wish is my command,” said the demon.
Tweasy softened. “You—you would do all of that for me?”
“Of course, my love.”
Tweasy sat down on the couch beside the demon and held his hand. “Perhaps you really are the man for me.” The warm glow of love washed over her and she forgot all about ridding herself of the incubus.
“What will we name our kid?”
The demon’s demeanor tightened. “Kid?”
“Yes, we should have a baby. Maybe babies, why stop at one.” She smiled.
The demon slid back a bit, pulling his hand away. “Do you think we might be rushing things?”
“What’s wrong with kids? Yes, they’re a lot of work with the dirty diapers and penchant to vomit all the time.”
The demon’s face grew pale. “Sounds tiring.”
“Oh it is. A friend of mine had kids, she didn’t get sleep for years, aged her pretty quick. Made her all green and warty. But I’ve got you to deal with all that.”
The incubus jumped up from the couch, clutching his shirt together. “My dear, you’re right. I’m a terrible influence on you. You need to stop wasting your time with me and get your life back.”
He raised one hand and with a snap of his fingers, burst into flames, leaving the lingering smell of brimstone.