SECRECY; THE SECRET MARRIAGE KILLER.
I recently heard the pathetic story of a man who was building a fantastic house somewhere at the outskirt of the city without the knowledge of his only wife, but made it known to his bosom friend by keeping the document in his custody.
Unfortunately for him, he died before the completion of the project and the wife innocently stumbled on the detail in his diary. She confronted the so called friend, but he denied the possession of the document, claiming that he only mentioned it to him without showing him the location. Such wife may struggle hard to overcome the sad memory of her late husband’s distrust for her all through life, except for grace.
There is another funny story of a wife who successfully built a house without the awareness of the husband; but connived with a caretaker to rent the same house to them when they had accommodation crises.
To worsen the case, she instructed the caretaker to exorbitantly increase the rent annually, while she also discouraged her husband from the idea of relocating each time he mentioned it. With her persistent apologetic plea, this simple hearted husband continued to pay his “landlady-wife” with the aim of making her happy since she claim to like the house and the environment.
Like the scriptures rightly says, “there is nothing hidden that shall not be revealed”, the innocent husband was busy tidying up the room one day, when he stumbled on the hidden document of the building they were occupying with the name of her wonderful wife as the owner. You can guess what the end and the effect of that story will be on that marriage. Of course, it will take the divine intervention for that man to physically remain under that roof.
The problem of secrecy is one of the major challenges confronting the marriages of our days.
“And they were both naked; the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” Genesis 2:25.
This shows that God’s original plan for marriage is devoid of any secret between the husband and the wife. The man should see and know everything about the wife and vise versa in all things, since they are both one flesh. But the devil on the contrary has successfully destroyed this principle in many homes by introducing double dealing and privacy through the craftiness and deception of the heart. Some men have established a kingdom in a private room apart from their matrimonial room where they take solace and shelter from the “interactive disturbances” of their wife. This is the beginning of gradual disintegration and indirect separation in that marriage.
There should be nothing like “my room” or “your room” in marriage. Although you can have a second room apart from your matrimonial room, which you can call any name of your choice; maybe study or prayer room. Both of you must have access to it for it's designated usage and not a hideout for secret agenda; especially in times of any little misunderstanding in the home.
Your mobile contact is registered in your name, agreed; but the phone belongs to both of you since you are one flesh, hence it has no information that your spouse cannot view at anytime; otherwise, you are in a hidden deal that will jeopardize that marriage. When there is no skeleton in your wardrobe, openness cannot be an issue at all.
It is outrightly wrong to hide your informations from your spouse. The end of it in many cases is usually disastrous. So sad to say that the system has degenerated so low to the extend of a wife or a husband building or buying a property without the awareness of the other party. This is a technical way of disagreeing with God’s principle of oneness and openness in marriage. In some cases, salaries, official benefits, even some biodata details are kept secret from the spouses in the home. Imagine a husband hiding his real age from the wife or a wife not disclosing her nativity to the husband. These kind of attitudes have led to great loss in many families today. Many wives and children of some late rich husbands are struggling for daily survival at the demise of the men, simply because they kept their details from their spouses. Such wealth are being automatically inherited by the banks or the unfaithful hands to whom they have entrusted them.
The singular physical reason for these stories is distrust.
When trust is missing, marriage is gone. You cannot be entrusted to the one you cannot trust. If there is any virtue that needs to be restored into the marriages of today, it is no other but TRUST.
You should be able to prove your trustworthiness to your spouse and vice versa. This will curb the sin of secrecy and double mindedness in your marriage. What God has joined together, let no room, phone, fund, sex, properties or person(s) put asunder. Under the normal circumstances, whatever belongs to you, belongs to your spouse. But perhaps you’ve been bitten and wounded by this evil monster of distrust, there is always a way out when you come to God for directives and wisdom on how to get things straightened up again. SECRECY IS A SECRET DEMON THAT DESTROYS THE BEST OF ALL MARRIAGES, AVOID IT.