Diary of a Space Mercenary: Chapter 7
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Captain's Log 3107:
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I had just left planet Lonn XV and I was a little disappointed. My time hippo-surfing had been cut short, and my back was killing me...
I guess I was less than ready for the bit of break-dancing I had done.
I decided I was gonna sit on my ass, have some beer and snacks, watch some transmissions, and forget about the whole thing. I'm gonna take the day off. After a hard overnight trek to slay an Asswolf, I earned it.
With nothing but the empty void of deep space in front of me, I settled in to watch some Dr. Phil re-runs and whatever else I could find to entertain myself with. I'm just gonna drift and not do shit today. Hell yeah.
I guess I must have fallen asleep. I don't know how long I was out, but it definitely wasn't long enough. I was still groggy, but I could hear the sound of my scanner. Even though I had drifted for hours, someone was nearby.
I heard a bang, and felt a little bit of turbulence as my controls fell a little off-center. "Of all the nerve," I thought to myself. "Those motherfuckers actually shot me." They shot at me on my day off, those pricks.
"Now you really pissed me off." I muttered to myself, as I assessed the damage. They really did a number on my wing. Now wasn't the time to worry about fixing it, though. My new acquaintances were still shooting.
With a sigh, I put on my lucky murder hat, and grabbed my favorite gigantic meat cleaver off of the steering console, just because I forgot it was there. I didn't want it flying around all over the place when I...
...made some epic evasive maneuvers and got behind this dude. I'm no stranger to dogfights, and this pilot's horseshit aim gave me an opportunity. I didn't know why he was shooting at me, but I was about to fuck him up. This was my job, after all. This is what I trained for.
...and fuck him up, I did. I cranked up the radical '80s Earth metal on my stereo system all the way to 11. Singing along, I let loose a laser cannon and a shitload of rocket clusters. I made a direct hit, destroying his ship.
Over the next few minutes I darted around, unleashing havoc on the four or five buddies this idiot had brought with him. I was blasting lines of coke, blasting Sammy Haggar, and blasting through a bunch of nobody pilots.
"Funny how life works sometimes," I thought to myself. "I had to kill four guys already and I've barely even left Lonn XV." I shifted my focus back to the task at hand and dodged a barrage of laser fire, taking aim.
Once I got serious, my attackers dropped like flies. It wasn't much of a fight, but I was a bit confused. It was highly unusual for a group of interceptor ships to attack my small, unassuming craft without any reason.
As I watched my badass laser guns send the last enemy pilot down in flames, I cracked open another beer. I was finally ready to relax and enjoy a hard-earned day off. The day's violence had made me thirsty, anyway.
I was just on my way back to my seat, when wouldn't you know it? The goddamned scanner alarms started going ballistic again. You can imagine my surprise when something ripped a massive hole in space-time just outside of my cockpit window. "Damn... What now?" I wondered.
Moments later, one of the biggest, scariest ships I had ever seen appeared right in front of me. It steadied its massive cannons squarely onto my ship. Judging by the red light the cannon was generating, this massive warship was readying an attack. I quickly finished my beer as a communication request came over my console. Reluctantly, I answered the call.
As I drifted closer to the massive ship, I realized I could no longer control my own. The lights of the warship's tractor beam grew brighter as a small, chipmunk-like alien creature appeared on my video monitor.
As I approached the warship's docking bay, the alien continued to speak. Not knowing what to expect, I took off my hat, clenched my buttcheeks, and remained silent as my ship was drawn into the massive hangar waiting ahead of me.
As my ship automatically settled into its designated landing space, I turned my head and had a look at the hangar around me. I was in awe at the size of the warship momentarily, until my attention was drawn to three short, squat figures approaching my ship in lock-step.
As the figures drew nearer, I was able to make out the gleaming red plates on their body armor. All three wore the same uniform, with red armor plates and red space helmets. Two of the soldiers drew their weapons - one aiming right for my face. He did not lower his weapon as he spoke:
I decided to play it safe for now and see what this Sgt Taikati had to say. One red-clad soldier stayed behind at my ship, while the other two led me away. A few flights of stairs later, we were out of the hangar.
The two soldiers led me down a long, winding set of corridors for several minutes, passing a number of reinforced doors that appeared to be locked. I trash-talked my captors a little just for fun; and after a short time we were approaching our destination: the warship's command bridge.
I still wasn't sure what this Sgt Taikati wanted with me. For all I knew, this was all a big misunderstanding. Either way, I'm sure he wasn't happy about the men and ships I'd trashed on my way in, but they did attack me first.
I raised my arm, waved, and greeted Taikati as I entered the room.
Despite the palpable tension in the air, the soldiers remained by the doorway as I approached Sgt Taikati. As we spoke, I noticed his holo-model of the planet Lonn VX. A few locations on the surface had been highlighed, including the spot where I had originally landed. How long had he been following me? After some thought, I replied to Taikati.
Taikati and I continued to negotiate, but as the conversation went on, I began to think "Shit. This guy might be delusional." 'Where is he?' Before today, I hadn't seen a single other person in weeks. One of the soldiers to the back moved in a little closer, as if to threaten me. I continued.
I paused for a moment, thinking about Taikati's words. I was confused and becoming frustrated, so I blurted out the only thing that came to mind.
I really had no idea what Sgt Taikati was talking about, but he wasn't having any of it. He gave the order to take me away, and what was I supposed to do? They were armed, I wasn't. I went quietly and decided I would look for an opportunity to present itself later.
Two guards led me out of the room and down a new hallway, until we stopped at a room that may have been an unused office. The guards nudged me inside; and as they did, a grid of red laser beams appeared at the threshold. I took note of the beams' intense heat as one guard took his position outside my cell, and the other left to attend other business.
It wasn't long at all before I heard what sounded like an explosion coming from the direction of my ship. Sure enough, I could hear Sgt Taikati's voice come over the ship's intercom a moment later. It was all hands on deck.
The guard outside my holding cell had just started down the hallway towards the hangar; but before either of us could process what was happening, the hallway flashed with a bright crimson light as a very large laser cannon tore through his armor and vaporized a good part of his body.
From just down the hall I heard an unfamiliar voice call out to me; it echoed off the walls as the now-dead guard's smoldering body dropped to the floor. Was this my chance to escape? Was my ship in one piece?
Who is Jurg Heikwitzer?
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