-I wrote the following novel nearly two decades ago. In the years between then and now I've honed my craft, and my perception of this world; my thoughts and ideas; have changed dramatically. However, I still enjoy the premise and have decided to do an overhaul of revisions and rewrites, though likely not until sometime next year. (Though I'm sure I'll do a little as I post chapters)
For now I hope you will enjoy a glimpse into my book writing beginnings...
They are the closest of friends though they have never met in waking life.
Prologue-PT1 Prologue-PT2 Chapter 1
Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10
Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13
Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16
Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19
Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22
Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25
Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28
Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31
Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34
Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37
Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40
Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43
Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Chapter 46
Chapter Forty Eight
He slept the day away and when he woke up it was 11 pm. He had been plagued by strange dreams, unfortunately none of them were of Bright Eyes. Not that she would have been sleeping during the day on a Sunday.
The calling hours were the following evening. He was dreading it. Only close family members were allowed to view the body, for the public it would be closed casket. He knew what that meant, and the idea of his brother lying there lifeless and unrecognizable was almost more than he could bear. He couldn’t decide what he wanted to do, John told him that it might be good for closure but the thought of it made him sick. He was also going to have to face his mom and that seemed like enough emotional trauma for one evening.
He lay in the bed staring at the ceiling for hours until his body finally found sleep again.
The following morning he was having a hard time forcing himself to get up. He finally managed to push all thoughts from his mind and swung his legs over the side of the bed, then went through the motions of the day without feeling. At 4:30 he dressed listlessly and waited in the guest room for them to call him out to go.
They were a half hour early and when they pulled in he debated just sitting out in the car until it began.
Katherine came around to his side and opened the door, smiling sadly at him. She took his hand. “We’ll go in with you,“ she urged. He got out of the car and let her lead him inside and saw his mom kneeling by the casket, her shoulders shaking. Her idiotic boyfriend was standing off to the side looking out the window.
“I'll wait until she’s done.” They sat in the back pew until she finally got shakily to her feet. She clutched onto Craig who draped one arm around her halfheartedly.
John gestured towards the front and Collin nodded. They walked up together and as they drew nearer he could see what was a semblance to his brother lying there. He managed the last few steps than stood over him. Inches from him, he saw almost no resemblance whatsoever. His face was larger distorting his features, and the makeup they had applied made him look like a clothes store mannequin. There was a fairly recent picture of him on a stand directly behind the coffin and he concentrated on that face instead.
How can this thing be his little brother? He glanced down at the folded hands and gently put his own hand on top of them. They were cold and rubbery. He looked back at the picture and felt his heart tearing at him. Jack, how can you be gone? You were supposed to grow up and be successful, become my closest friend! In his mind’s eye he could see the future with Jack still in it. Standing beside the alter while he held a woman’s hand and said his vows. Christmas time with Uncle Jack and Uncle Collin regaling stories of their childhood, little ones listening in as they played with toys by their feet. Then the picture faded, a future that might have been and would never come to pass.
Collin coughed into his hand then abruptly turned and ran straight out of the church. He threw up the contents of his stomach while leaning against the corner of the brick structure. When he was finished he found it difficult to breathe once again. He unbuttoned his collar and took deep breaths aware that there were people standing in the doorway watching him. He looked toward the car thinking he might run for it and lock himself inside. Before he could take any action his mother approached, her face wracked with tears of grief. Collin thought she looked disgusting.
He allowed her to put her arms around him, but did not reciprocate.
“Oh Collin, our little Jack!” She cried. “Our little Jack is gone!” Fresh tears fell down her face.
He continued taking deep breaths, willing himself not to open his mouth. He was afraid of the ugly things that would come pouring out. Anger at his mother cleared the sadness and confusion from his mind and he was able to compose himself.
She pulled away from him and tried to put her hands on his cheeks but he pushed them away. “We should go back in,” he said flatly, “people will be arriving shortly.” He strode off towards the church and went to the front sliding into the second pew. John and Katherine joined him.
His mom walked up her eyes imploring him.
“Sit in front of me with…your man,” he pointed at Craig. She nodded sadly and sat down then turned and said quietly “I can’t find Jimmy, he doesn’t know.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
People started coming through the door and she turned around. Collin didn’t look up until someone put a hand on his shoulder. It was Gerald.
“I’m so sorry Collin.”
Jake followed suit. “Let me know what I can do.”
Followed by Brent who just stood there quietly for a moment. Than he said “I love you man.” Collin got to his feet and squeezed his hand.
“Thanks, I know you do.”
Ben came next and gave him a big bear hug, tears streaking down his cheeks. It was touching to see the vulgar tough guy like this and as Collin returned the hug his voice caught in his throat. He cleared it and said “Thanks for coming, it means a lot.”
“You got it bro. I’m gonna call you in a couple days, take you out somewhere.”
“Sounds good.”
Some distant relatives came through the line. They all hugged him, but it meant little since he hadn’t seen much of them over the years. The rest of the faces were strangers to him, or very nearly. He nodded at each one as they expressed condolences, wishing it would end soon.
When the hour was up he repeated to his mom that he would look for Jimmy then walked out. He didn’t want to hang around for anymore empty “I’m sorry’s”, it was making him sick all over again.
He waited by the car for John and Katherine to catch up thinking of how he might find his wayward brother.
John read his mind. “Where might he be?”
“I guess I’ll start at Jay’s corner. Even if he’s not there, someone should know where to look next.”
If he had lived in a small town like his dream friend Jimmy would have had to move an hour away to not hear of his brother’s death. But here most people were disconnected, there was no real community and you only knew the people who lived on either side of you.
They pulled up to the curb and Collin got out feeling a surge of love for his remaining brother, whatever anger he had once felt towards him had disappeared completely.
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