The craziest story - a Guzzi SF adventure (G4)

"S'craziest story. Ever."

"Which part?" Schmeep's interpreter was now speaking in complex syncopation with the grinding strains of the Gar's voice. It was dungin cool. "The part were we found the best-known pilot in the galaxy because he thought he wouldn't be found on its most boring mining-roid, so he still used his name?" The hideous scraping sound started again. "Good name though. Guzzi. Guz-zi. G-u-zz-i."

"Ha, thanks. I like it too. But nah. And not even the bit where the last Gar in the Galaxy has taken up residence with a human woman and developed a taste for the best of the worst the Earth has to offer. Mmmm this pizza is good..."

I'm on the highway to hell
On the highway to hell
Highway to hell
I'm on the highway to hell

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He sat at the table in his stateroom Never had one of these before. Ha ha! and enjoyed the feeling of having a hangover. Or rather, of being cool enough to have a hangover if he hadn't just taken some hangover meds.

But try as he might, Guzzi couldn't remember a single detail of the night before, other than music, booze and... laughing a lot.

Well, this is good. I think? Definitely odd. But maybe, bad?

Ship's good. If weird...

Wow, a Gar. On a Garship. Strangest dude ever. Still, AC/DC is a find...

And Jazz... Orange tinge. Telltale sign she used to care about her image. Haha. Cares less now, her skin's snow white as mine. Descended from spacers for sure.

He looked around the room once again. Shindung! What am I doing here? What am I going to do?

Never again. The entombed? No way!

But what if the Gar still live? How could that be possible? Hell, how is Schmeep possible? A Gar with penchant for esoteric Earth culture? And booze? Hahaha! Dungin' jackpot!

"Yeah. Cool." May as well ride it out, Guzzi. Been in weirder places, yeah?

Guzzi looked around the luxurious room again. "Yeah... nah."

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The Bridge of the Garship - which everyone seemed happy to simply call the Garship - was spacious and minimal. As soon as he had seen the ship Guzzi had known that the 'pilot' story was a ruse to get him on board. Or he thought he had.

But like so many of the seemingly straight paths he chose to walk, this one turned out to be not so straight after all. Because while it was true the Garship didn't need him as a pilot, as its AI was perfectly capable of travelling between the stars and planets of the galaxy, the AI found it difficult to understand the conventions and etiquette of intra-system travel. Who to communicate with. Who not to. Who definitely not to. How to identify the starport, and the correct docking platform/mechanism/lock within it. And how to dock with it. Plus a myriad of other details any trained pilot familiar with this patch of space would just know.

So while they were in hyperspace, en route to the sector capital for no explained reason, Guzzi was left to explore the capabilities of the Garship - a task he found strangely addictive. The more he learned, and as far as he knew he had open access to the flight deck, the more he wanted to know. The ship, as Jazz had suggested, was a wonder. Well beyond the technological capabilities of the hegemony.

And that, was pretty cool.

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