I was trying to be clever and find a Whodini .gif to pair with the blog title but there was none to be found, so instead of feeling clever I just feel old. Attached below is the song lyric I was referencing. Whodini’s Friends was a huge hit in 1984 when I was thirteen and was among the first rap songs to hit the mainstream charts.
Friends, how many of us have them?
The isolation of 2020 has driven the point home for me that there is no greater joy than experiences shared with others. To share things like a hike, a trip, or a bike ride with someone makes it much more enjoyable than it would be if you did it alone. Some of the greatest memories in my entire life were born in complete spontaneity during time shared with friends. Playing football in the old neighborhood, jumping plywood ramps on our bikes in the alley. Calling someone out of the blue to meet for lunch or a drink on a restaurant patio and suddenly looking at my watch and noticing hours have passed by.
Those Swedes sure are damned wise.
I recently read an article in Psychology Today that said, even before the pandemic, 1-in-5 Millennials admitted they had no friends and 30 percent confessed they often felt lonely. Some blame this on the isolation that technology brings about others say it’s because they move every few years to advance their careers.
I immediately thought to myself, How incredibly sad is this?
After reading the article I took some time to contemplate my own shrinking social circle. I’m a Gen-X'er and, at this very minute, I can count on one hand the number of people who I consider close friends.
Close friends are people I know I could count on during times of need, people who make more time for me in their life than the occasional text message every few weeks. There’s no question in my mind that I would do the same for them. I trust these peoples’ character completely and they trust mine. Months between visits can elapse but we pick up right where we left off. It’s completely comfortable to be around these people and sustaining a friendship with these people doesn’t feel like work.
The next ring in that social circle would be a more generic fair weather friends category. This group shrinks with each passing year as life becomes busier and takes us in different directions. Friends are folks who I mostly trust and genuinely enjoy their company most of the time but have proven themselves sometimes unreliable and/or don’t always seem to have the time or desire to sustain the friendship. We all have people like this in our lives, when in their company the friendship is mostly fine but sometimes feels like work and the feeling is probably mutual.
Among the plethora of things the pandemic has altered in our culture, I worry that it has permanently changed a lot of friendships. It’s not only the virus and ensuing quarantines that changed us but also the deep division of differing opinions of how best to handle and live through the crisis. So many of us have lost a family member, a job, or a dream. People have been traumatized and they are healing and will be for quite some time.
Aside from the Spanish Flu outbreak in 1918 I can’t think of anything to compare this recent year to. It’s been fourteen months since many people have gathered with anyone else members of their own households. Although you would think people would be eager to return back to normal life, lately, it seems like it takes an nothing short of an Act of Congress to make plans to get together with anyone socially.
Hopefully, the strength of these social bonds can be repaired. Time will tell. I tend to be the kind of person who jumps into things with both feet but most people are more comfortable easing back into normalcy. Maybe, in time, we’ll all get back to the point we were before the Covid-19 nightmare descended upon us.
My soon-to-be fifty years have taught me that if you want a friend, be a friend. In almost every aspect of life you get what you give. For me, the summer of 2021 is going to be dedicated to that very thing, trying my best to be a good friend to those around me. I’m going to give friendships my utmost priority. I urge you all to do the same.
We’ve been cloistered alone within our own four walls and thoughts for far too long. It’s time to get back out into the world, to find a way to open ourselves up to it. To lend an ear or, if needed, a hand. With time, and a lot of patience I’m sure we’ll all come around.
All for now.
With Gratitude,
Eric Vance Walton
(Gifs sourced from Giphy.com, photos/concepts are original.)
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