Stupid decisions. Too clever for your own good. Being an annoying prick. Words and phrases synonymous with activities pertaining to young adolescence. But sometimes, the spill over of such a condition can even effect their own unsuspecting peers too. Which is pretty much what happened to myself on an otherwise ordinary night out on the town…
Our local HMV music and video store provided much in terms of basic entertainment. There used to be a time when I was into hardcore heavy metal, which then made a natural transgression into violent gangsta rap. And also this strange period of time when I actually listened to both! Anyways, it was late and I was hanging out with Lee and another friend, Martin. A couple of cartoon characters straight out of a kid’s television show. Get these two paired up and trouble was never far away. Though I had learned to tolerate their behaviour as long as I stayed out of the various shenanigans they'd get up too, which was easier said than done, for the most part. But hey, you don’t get to pick and choose who your friends are right? (Well, adulthood teaches that actually you can, lol).
So, we end up at this Chinese buffet restaurant, located in the heart of the West End in hectic Central London. The ever-popular ”Mr. Wu”, still there in the same spot to this very day. Whereas they soon busied themselves scoffing food like vampires before the break of dawn, I chose to sit this one out since I’d already gobbled several burgers throughout the evening already. Bored, I checked out the artwork on the wall. Pretty cool, I thought. A few long-tailed flying dragons, some artistic translations of beautiful oriental environments from the far east. Enough to keep the mind ticking over until it was time to leave. Well, apparently, everything was not as it seemed.
I turned the focus of attention back to my comrades who now sat there with empty plates, bloated bellies and in some kind of hushed conversation. I curled my face up at them, wondering what all the mystery was all about.
”Hey… You guys all done? Let’s go.” No answer. Just the two of them glazing into each other's eyes like long-lost lovers. This odd sight soon started to creep me out. ”What’s the matter?” I asserted again. ”Let’s just finish up in here and go.” Still, no answer. I rolled my eyes, fast getting to the point of bewildered irritation. Then, a quick nod of the head from Lee, then Martin. “What the hell?” I thought to myself. A split second later, I was about to find out.
The brilliant strategists that they were, had inadvertently decided to do a runner. Without telling yours truly. So much for the solidarity of friendship. Before I knew what was happening, they both leapt out of their seats and made for the exit. A few dozen eyes peered back from various sites within the restaurant. But by the times the staff had figured out what was going on, they were long gone. And there’s me, sitting at the very table they were, looking just as shocked. Well, seeing as a didn’t have any cash on me to pay for their culinary crime, I got up and walked towards the main front door. Which is about the same time this rather large chef seemingly jumped out of nowhere to block off the entrance.
”Where they go? Who you are?” I remember him squealing at me. Raising my arms in the air, as if he’d pulled a handgun on me, I remarked plainly enough. ”Those idiots have obviously run off without paying and I’ve got nothing to compensate you with. I’m sorry, but I myself didn’t eat anything. Can I please leave?”
”No!” He barked back, signalling to one of the other workers. ”Call police. They come, take you away!” As bad as I felt for the guy, the rationale behind that argument made no sense whatsoever. Still, I continued to fight my case. “Look, man. I’m sorry. I’m nothing to do with their actions. Those guys ate your food, not me. You understand?” This only seemed to enrage him further, to the point of his slicing into the air. ”You pay me. Or I chop you. Understand? I chop!” Now, I must admit, that did get me a little worried. I mean, looking back, surely nothing would have happened. But I’m telling you, this guy was screaming at me like I’d just stolen his last chopstick. Behind me, I could hear some clattering. I spun around to see one of the staff members appearing to pick out a cooking utensil (scratch that, a weapon) with a very sharp edge to it. Suddenly, this problem got very real and terrifying.
I pushed past the huge man whose immediate response was to grab at my torso. Luckily for me, I slipped through his grasp (being much leaner than I am now) and bust the door open, into the fresh air. I promise you, had the door opened inwards, I’d have probably smashed through the glass. Running like my life depended on it, I glanced round to check on the fat behemoth cook, expecting him to be on my heels. I could see huffing and puffing in the distance a few shops down, indicating to me that he’d already attempting to give chase, but had to prematurely give up.
After my literal “close shave”, I rang the other two who were a couple of streets away by now. Let me tell you, I was more than a little pissed.
”The hell is wrong with you two?” I yelled. ”This shit ain’t funny! I nearly got carved up by a crazy chef back there!” Lee’s reply was anything but suitable, given the precarious situation he'd left me in. ”Man, we were waiting for you here for ages! Why didn’t you just follow us?”
I held a hand up to my head, shutting my eyes and temples throbbing. Fortunately, I couldn’t hold a grudge for long, even for several minutes. They were what they were. And I had been somehow lumbered with them. Such is life and the trials and tribulations of growing up…
