As Elnora drove across the river, her mind drifted back to ten years ago. It was 2008. She called him the neighbor from hell. Elnora remembered him like it was yesterday.
"Well, this economy has been trickling down on me for the past decade, it's time for a change," Elnora answered emphatically as her elderly next door neighbor scowled at her. She waved her hands angrily in the air at him:
"And, to tell you the truth, if the Pope doesn't want me at mass just because of how I vote, then I guess I won't be at mass." Elnora stormed back into her house angry as hell. How dare he?, she thought.
It all started with a yard sign.
It was a perfectly normal Saturday. Summer was in the air and it was hot as hell. Elnora's aunt stopped by the house to drop off a campaign sign. There was a young new senator from Illinois running for President. He spoke well and wasn't related to the last two Presidents, so many like her aunt had taken notice. Elnora had watched a few videos of him online. He spoke of Hope and Change. He was all the rage, apparently.
So, when her aunt showed up with a bright campaign sign to post up in her front yard, Elnora did not refuse. Together, she and her aunt chatted as they pushed the metal frame into the thick grass. Elnora's aunt straightened the plastic sign while she took a picture. The moment lasted all of ten minutes before El's aunt headed off to the next family member down the street. She was on a mission.
That is when the trouble started. By late afternoon, the old man who lived next door began pounding on her front door. She stepped outside with her dog to speak with him. Elnora quickly realized that he was very upset about the sign. She chuckled and played it off but he did not. He loudly listed every political reason why he was opposed. Then, he started in on religion.
"The Pope says anyone who votes for this guy will not be welcomed at mass," he said with a challenging look on his face. Elnora took the challenge and told him off before storming inside. As she closed her front door, she heard her neighbor yell, "The sign won't make it through the night."
Elnora froze in her tracks. Oooo, she was angry. It took all she had not to head back outside and go toe to toe with this fellow. But, she had a baseball game to attend. She had no time for a neighborhood war. She grabbed her bag and headed out to her car. Before she pulled the car completely out of her driveway, she stopped, rolled door her window, and took a picture of the neighbor, still standing on the road near the sign. She chuckled and figured she'd make a meme out of the picture later. In the shot, the neighbor stood scowling next to the sign as his little two pound dog pooped in her yard. She laughed out loud. Yes, it would make a good meme. She rolled her window up and headed to the game.
Three hours later, Elnora pulled back into her driveway, stunned by what she saw. Her sign was torn into little, tiny long shreds and sprinkled all throughout her yard and trees. There were even some strips taped some to her front door, apparently in the event that she did not notice the mess on her lawn.
Elnora sat in her car for a few minutes, fuming. She took out her phone and turned on the video. As she ranted into the camera, she videotaped the carnage. She got out and walked around the yard, with the video camera on her phone turned on. She was loudly, documenting the entire mess. She was nearly finished when the old neighbor came around the corner from his garage, smoking a cigarette. He stood smiling at Elnora as she watched his dog take a poop in her yard, once again.
"I told you the sign wouldn't make it through the night," he said, laughing and pointing.
He stopped laughing when he noticed the video camera on in her hand. "Get that turned off. You don't have my permission to videotape me!"
Elnora didn't respond to him. She kept the video on him as she opened her front door and entered her home. Once she locked the door behind her, she turned the video off and flipped the phone over. She looked up a name on her contact list and pressed call.
Two seconds later, she heard a familiar, "Hey, Trouble. What do you got for me today?"
A breath of relief filled her. She had dialed up her favorite journalist, Nick. She was ready to tell him everything. Fresh out of college, Nicholas Tucker had landed a reporter's gig at the local paper. Elnora knew him from her days of writing term papers for money. Nicholas kept her employed during his college days. He owed her plenty more than he paid. Elnora told him everything about her neighbor, from the Pope comment to the poop to the sign shredded to bits. Nicholas was more angry than shocked. He quickly promised to be right over and the phone went dead.
Elnora looked back out her front window. The neighbor had his dog standing in her yard pooping again.
Fast forward ten years, now it is Elnora chuckling. Her friend, Nick, took that torn sign, Pope story to the national news. Sign of the Times, they called it. Of course, looking back, Elnora couldn't help but to admit that the new snazzy president turned out to be a huge disappointment after all.
The old man passed away before she could tell him that he was right.
She never voted for that president again.
The Pope is no longer the Pope.
The dog is still pooping.