A burning question from a Single Lady:
Pastor, I need your help. I will be 28 by Nov this year. I am still single but I think I am stupid. Why? Because I always reject all my suitors on the basis that I am not sure the guy is the one and they are not ready for marriage and I don’t want long courtship because of pre-marital sex. But I am afraid my time is moving too fast! In fact my body is crying for companionship. What should I do? Maybe I should just go for the next guy? How can I be sure that I have found the right guy? I WANT GOD'S Will. Does it still exist? How will I see and know it? God bless you.
My response :
“I love your question. Let me summarize it. You are simply saying, "How can I be single but not stupid; Available but not discouraged; willing to connect, but not desperate?" Hallelujah!!! You have asked the right question burning on the lips of many ladies and I will try to answer it.
First, 28 years old and crying for companionship is normal, but never allow your hormones to build your marital destiny. They seek a comfort for the now, even if it is in exchange of your tomorrow.
Secondly, the decision to reject proposals because the suitors were not ready for marriage needs more explanation. Is it that it was obvious that there were just looking for fun and games or they would need some time to get the finances ready for the marriage? Were you looking for a ready-made man, or it was simply unserious suitors who waste the time of ladies? Learn to identify maturity in a man before listening to his proposal. No boy should hold a queen's heart to ransom. She deserves a king.
Thirdly, you ask, "should I go for the next guy? How can I be sure I have found the right guy?" It is difficult to find the right guy when you have not become the right person yourself. The king also deserves his queen. You attract who you are, not what you want. I am sure you will not just jump on the next guy out of desperation. Please be patient and observant. God's will must work with your will for the right choice to manifest.
Lastly, "How will I see and know it?" Many people will tell u of visions, voices and dreams to confirm a marriage partner. I like to keep it simple. A prepared man knows what he wants when he see it. Scripture says, "Mark the end of the perfect man, it is peace." Then it says, "Let the peace of God guide you...." The perfect man/woman is one who has built their purpose, passion and pursuit of life. He/she knows his/her purpose in life and is guarded by a value system. When a prepared man meets a prepared lady, the peace of God, working at least through their intuitions, will make them recognize themselves. God is still the best matchmaker. In my opinion, it is impossible for a prepared man to be around a prepared lady for 6 months, and not know what he wants or whether they should be together in the future. Stop wasting your time with unprepared men.
However, I encourage proper courtship. An ideal proper courtship should be between 6 months and 2 years, so as to keep the "flames of passion" in check. I wouldn't allow my daughters to listen to a man who is not ready to consummate their love within 2 years. He is not looking for a wife; he is looking for a girl friend. In the season of courtship, we confirm our preparedness to take on the task of oneness.
In conclusion, Let me pray for you. "Heavenly father, no reader of this post will be engaged in a "roundabout" relationship where there is no direction or focus. Amen. No reader of this post will embark on relationship under the surge of age, impulse and hormones, without a thorough balance of maturity and wisdom in Jesus name. No reader of this post will struggle to recognize their partners.
There will be no more delays for the prepared man/woman in Jesus name. No reader of this post will ignore godly counsel and balanced teachings on the principles of godly relationship. Give them the hunger to get recommended books of tried and tested servants of balanced truths in Jesus name. Your land shall be married. Your marriage shall be honourable. No power of hell or demons, or curses will stop you, in Jesus name. You are lifted. Arise, while you are single, you will not be stupid, and when you get married you will not be miserable. God bless you, in Jesus name. Amen.