Hey Hive account@mahmod,

I feel like you have the bones to make a really good story here, but I found it a little difficult to finish reading your story. There were points where the sentences failed to make sense and left me wondering what exactly was going on.

I might suggest a bit of advice and try proofreading your work once or twice after writing, then have someone else read it over, just to have an unbiased eye look at it.

Keep writing, you'll only get better as you continue to do so and with great story ideas you're sure to create something really captivating someday!!