I have just learned that September is Life Insurance Awareness Month. Now that's… that's … fuckin' fascinating, don't you think? The things I ought to be aware of ... according to some people.
September also happens to be Bourbon Heritage Month. I wonder what those insurance aware people think of these bourbon interlopers? I don't think bourbon people are all that aware of Life Insurance at any particular moment.
To make things more confusing it is also Be Kind To Editors & Writers Month. It can't be all three at the same time, can it? Who allocates the months out, anyway.
Who ever it is, they're doing an awful job.
That's just the tip of the iceberg. September is also Classical Music Month, National Alopecia Awareness Month, Subliminal Communications Month, Women's Friendship Month, and German American Heritage Month. There is no theme here.
The truth is that any schmoe group can invent themselves a megaphone and declare themselves a month. Here a partial list of those usurping September for their own nefarious purposes:
National Piano Month
National Food Safety Education Month
One-on-One Month
Subliminal Communications Month
Women's Friendship Month
German American Heritage Month
National Guide Dog Month
National Hispanic Heritage Month
National Honey Month
National Literacy Month
National Yoga Awareness Month
Is there any rhyme or reason here? I get a theme between the Germans and Hispanics, but only vaguely, very vaguely. But subliminal communications vs. literacy? Huh?
Alas, the medical community is no less to blame. In fact they've run amok with the awareness months. They've blanket-bombed September. You and I will be lucky to survive into October without becoming hypochondriacs. Look what these guys did!
National Atrial Fibrillation Awareness Month
Chiari Malformation Awareness Month
Childhood Cancer Awareness Month
National Menopause Awareness Month
Healthy Aging Month
National ITP Awareness Month
Blood Cancer Awareness Month
National Cholesterol Education Month
National Childhood Obesity Awareness Month
Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month
National Pediculosis Prevention Month/Head Lice Prevention Month
National Recovery Month
National Sickle Cell Month
National Traumatic Brain Injury Awareness Month
Newborn Screening Awareness Month
World Alzheimer’s Month
Sepsis Awareness Month
Pain Awareness Month
Prostate Cancer Awareness Month
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) Month
Sexual Health Awareness Month
Sports Eye Safety Month
National Celiac Disease Awareness Day (Sept. 13) That's just a day, not a whole month, but still...
Then there's these. No further comment necessary.
Save Your Photos Month
Self Improvement Month
Whole Grains Month
National Rice Month
National Sewing Month
National Italian Cheese Month
National Americana Month
Baby Safety Month
Better Breakfast Month
Fall Hat Month
Little League Month
Intergeneration Month
International Square Dancing Month
International Update Your Resume Month
National Blueberry Popsicle Month
National Chicken Month
National Courtesy Month
National Honey Month
National Library Card Sign Up Month
National Mortgage Professional Month
National Mushroom Month
National Papaya Month
National Piano Month
On top of that, September is National Preparedness Month. Okay, I'm prepared… for what?
Then there are days craved out of all these national whateva months.
September 1, Chess Day and Bacon Day. I can see fist fights already.
September3, National Skyscraper Day. The 7th is National Beer Lover's Day, the 9th is National Wiener Schnitzel Day.
Sept. 13, 14, and 15 are National Peanut Day, National Coloring Day and Big Whopper Liar Day, respectively.
Batman Day anyone? That's on the 17th.
There's World Goat Day on the 17th and 18th. I kid you not. And Punctuation Day on the 24th.
I'll just mention a couple more:
International Day Against DRM Sept. 18
Banned Websites Awareness Day Sept. 26
And these guys carved themselves a whole week: Deaf Dog Awareness Week September 24-30. I can picture it now: "Sit! I said Sit! S-I-T!"
If you and your group want to carve out a day, week, or month for whatever cause you have, I have one word of advice. Don't. You may be up against Batman Day, and who wants to fight that!
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