Chapter 2
The wheel jerks from hand almost running off the little dirt road. Barely able to keep my eyes on the road with my mind racing. Getting my grip back on the road and my mind I hit the highway in front of the school watching all the little children hugging their mom's begging to stay with them. The only care they had was trying to get their mothers to stay with them and maybe what if there is fruit roll up in their lunch box. I wish those were my worries. With my brother on the dining room floor dead his body stiffening as I drive. Smashing on my breaks my head jolting forward a little girl darts in front of my car. My breath deepens as her red curls swish in the wind not even worried that she had come close to death. Her friends waving to her at the end of the playground with the same curly hair and pink backpacks.
Amanda stood in that very spot waiting for me to get off the bus so we could get in a little swinging time before the bell rang. Her brown hair just slightly lighter than mine with crystal blue eyes piercing at the boys underneath our feet shooing them away. Our knuckles would turn white the higher we would get from fear.
“ Go away Parker.” kicking her feet in the air.
Sticking his tongue out. “ I don't have too.”
The bell rang as we seen who had the guts to jump out of the swing. Grabbing our backpack running towards the door where the teacher waited for us. I pulled the handle on her backpack bringing her ear closer to me.
“ You know what my mom says?”
Giggling. “ No.”
Putting my hand over my mouth. “ When they are rude that means they like you?”
An awful look came over her face sticking her tongue out making gagging sounds.
“ That can’t be true.”
Ms. Wilson pregnant at the time waved her hand yelling trying to get us to focus for two seconds so she could successfully get all the kids inside. Pulling into the parking lot of the Lazy U gas station keeping it lazy since 1987, newly renovated with moldy burrito warmers. The smell of cigarettes and old man hit you as soon as you walk in the door. Men in old baseball caps and pants to their boobs sit drinking coffee playing cards talking about their many dead wives. When I was a kid I use to get in trouble for coming in here, my mom telling me that it was no place for a lady. I guess ladies by four dollar coffees at the coffee shop next door but, where is the charter the old man hitting on you offering to deal you in. Walking over to the cloudy fridge doors pulling out a brand of ice coffee that no one had ever heard before probably Starbucks rejects. Going through the candy allies looking for mini chocolate covered donuts, the kind Amanda and I shared every morning talking about the boys that had shown us just a second of attention from the school day or football game the day before. A glass table by the window where people had stuck their business card under the glass or their lover's name letting everyone know their high school sweetheart. Both of us freshman just waiting to get your braces off thinking that's what was repealing the boys.
“ Parker walked me home from the game last night.” a smile glowing on her face.
Feeling all giddy that there could be a chance that my best friend could get with her crush from the fifth grade.
“ He is probably going to ask you to the winter formal.”
Stuffing another chocolate donut in her mouth. “ Definitely.”
Making my way to the checkout counter where the same high school drop had worked for the last eight years, telling everyone how Steve Job stole his idea for the iPhone. He was a little crazy but managed to give me the correct change every time. Laying an iced coffee and orange juice with one package of mini chocolate donuts.
“ Good morning, Hasn't school started already?”
“ I’ve got a cold.” Pointing to the orange juice.
Slowly checking out each item. “ We have cold medicine over by the candy bars.”
“ I already have some at home.”
Putting everything in the bag even slower than he checked them out. I’m not an impatient person but for some reason, this was the last straw of the morning then he broke the silence.
“ Is your brother ready for the game tonight?”
My stomach dropped at the sound of my brother, with the picture of his body on the floor back in my brain. Trying not to raise suspension, millions of answers popped into my brain. What would I say if I didn't really know that he wouldn't be at the game tonight or any other game this season? Snatching the bag out of his hands.
“ He was super pumped this morning.”
Running out of the gas station almost running into an elderly man walking in with a deck of cards. Finally, making it to my car throwing my bag to the passenger side locking the car doors like that would save me from the awful thing I had done from seeping into my brain. Driving out to the country where no house resembled another, with its own unique style and personal touches. Rolling hills with green grass and green leafs starting to turn orange as fall came closer every day. The highway became thinner and longer with every mile, the sunshine bounced off of black cows backs as they grazed in front of one of the many farmhouses. Reaching my hand over the passenger seat trying to tear open the plastic that kept me from drinking my coffee. Breaking the seal with the smell of caramel coffee feeling my nose calming my body with something familiar. Opening the council to a light blue piece of paper with an address written across the top in red ink. Leaning forward trying to hit the right road, laying my foot on the break reading road signs bringing back pictures in my head of the last trip I made out here in the summer with the sun high in the sky. I remember praying to God that it would rain that day so the outside world would look like how I was feeling inside. Pulling onto the gravel road seeing headstones in my view shining in the bright sun. The old headstone had almost fallen apart or had turned at yellow color losing its shine if it had ever had one. Making it to the newly dead with fresh dirt glossy headstone, lovely poems were written across them trying their best to make death sound beautiful and majestic. Getting the chocolate donuts and orange juice walking closer to one of the very last headstones. With her name printed in cursive, in dark black carving reading loving daughter, sister and friend.
Feeling my lip quiver and my knees get weak as I feel to the ground looking at the fresh flowers on the right. Looking around to see if anyone was around to see me completely lose it and talk to a piece of cement. I felt the tears take over my eyes as my vision got blurry, tears falling down the curves of my cheeks dropping to the ground.
“ My grandma use to say mourning is for the living but, you deserved to be remembered to be in people’s minds.” Sniffing wiping the snot dripping from my nose.
“ You deserved justice that you didn't get why you were living, I really wish you could have just told me what had happened even if he was my brother.”
Laying down the orange juice and donuts in the soft green grass in front of her headstone. Staring at the gas station food sitting with my legs crossed feeling the warm sun on my back.
“ Most people won't bring you food but, I’m going to keep it real with you.” laughing
“ We meet and bonded through our whole friendship through food.” Wiping a tear from my cheek.
“ Remember when we made your mom drive an hour just to take us to that place that where the ice creamed changed colors as you liked it, we thought that was the coolest thing in the world.”
Standing up looking over the acres of dead bodies in the distance feeling anger take over my words.
“ I’m going to deal with that son of a bitch, don't you worry.”
Driving back to town with the music as high as it would go hoping to drown out the thoughts of what was waiting for me at home. Making it back to the house opening the garage door parking the car when a little thought came into my head. I could leave the car on and shut the garage and let all the pain go away. Death doesn't do murders any good when you're heading straight for hell, turning the car off with the thought still in the back of my mind. My hand on the door knob almost too scared to walk in like my parents would be standing over his body, with their hands over their mouths. My mother crying in my father's arms as they give me a cold stare as I turn the corner as if they knew that I killed him.
Taking my first step in the house hearing the hardwood floor creck with every step, tiptoeing like I was going to wake him up from his forever slumber. Going to the living room slowly sitting on the couch turning on the television, flipping through the channels landing on SpongeBob. Every since I was a kid SpongeBob has always been able to put me in a good mood, attempting that this was stupid it still didn't change the fact that it relaxed me. The stupidity was calming, looking at the clock it already being two o'clock. Knowing that I had to tell with the problem in the dining room before tomorrow, I also needed to come up with a plan to not trace anything back to me. Turning to my binge watching on Netflix of making a murder, trying to think of how they got away with it even though they apparently didn't and the show was mostly about the killer's mental problems. Starting to look through the tv guide again for inspiration turning it on the nature channel. I would have to be able to get rid of any of my DNA, while also getting rid of his body making it hard to find hope that they wouldn't find it at all. Letting my mind wander through every cold and dark idea nothing off limits. On tv a raging fire burned through a forest destroying everything in its path, nothing was left everything burned to a crisp. Then it hit me I could burn him, I also remembered from our history listens from the holocaust that burning bodies was not a fast process and had an odor to it. I went to the internet searching for good places to dump a dead body, with the internet being surprisingly helpful advising I dump different body parts in different places so it would be harder to trace. The key seemed to be making the person as hard to trace as possible, with the best place to dump being bodies of water and out in the country.
Walking to the dining room seeing his body lying just they way I had left it, saliva dried on his cheek and his eyes bloodshot. Kneeling down to get a closer not able to break the stare. The crazy thing was I didn't or more like couldn't feel any remorse. That scared me more than going to jail or death ever dead. There is nothing more dangerous than not feeling at all.
New chapters of Painfully Absurd every Wednesday, hope you enjoyed!