I'll never ever forget the day, oh, that glorious day, the day the mighty, the majestic, the VALIANT penguin overlord saved me from the Barstool Gang .
Ah man
I have to share this with you all. I have to share...my testimony.
This was in a horrid bar nestled deep within the tangled code lines of cyberspace; the Barstool Gang beat me...beat me and b.e.a.t me. I'll never forget their form, actual wooden bar stools with beer barrels for heads, hoses for arms and bottle caps for teeth.
"sigh" I can still smell the beer on their breath as they jeered, their laughing mouths pouring gallons of beer on me.
"Oi! Drink up, (!?)", one of them gargled. "We know 'ow much ye love it"
T'was always the same thing every day(?) being trapped in this bar; the sign always saying "Open"; the only bartender is me; the only customers are me and the Barstool Gang
But when all you have is time, you get used to it, I guess. You get used wanting to drink but resisting, knowing that you'll just be drinking the vomit of these laughing, wooden inebriates.
That all changed on that faithful day though, the day the mighty penguin overlord showed up with his mighty beak and long icy wings
"I will squawking squawk you the squawk up if you don't leave this poor (!?) alone" the penguin...well, squawked
"Oi! Look wha we 'ave over here, boys. It's a sodding duck with wings" one gargled as they all laughed, beer pouring from their mouths.
"Hey, you lose your way there, duck, or are you just another castaway with the habit yeah?"
I laid there in awe as the glorious bird just stood there in silence eying down the Barstool Gang
"YOU LOSE YOUR VOICE, PIGEON?!"
"I think the parrot lost 'is voice" a gang member whispered to the other
"Maybe the seagull just wants a pint, lads! Alright with us 'cause in this bar the drinks are served forever and ever and ever"
They all let out gargling laughs as they sprayed the penguin down with gallons of beer, wings cover the bird's body shielding him from the onslaught.
"My turn" the drenched bird whispers with a smirk as freezing rain flies from his wings making ice statues out of all of the Barstool Gang. Their bodies frozen in time, frozen beer coming from their mouths like a waterfall in sub zero tempratures.
Drenched and cold, I couldn't help but stare in shock at the scene I just witnessed. This random penguin comes out of nowhere and defeats the Barstool Gang, THE kings of this bar.
"This world doesn't have to be the only one you experience, my (!?)", he extended his flipper, a look of kindness on his face, "Come, we have many worlds to explore"