First of all, hello everyone. This will be my first Steemit post and I'm excited to be part of this community.
Recently, I went through very dramatic and traumatizing experiences that have left me unstable, to say the least. But first, let me tell you a little about me and how I got to that point. I'm about to open a window into my life for you.
As typical as it may seem, not too long ago I was a college student that didn't know what he wanted to do with his life. Some, I suppose, never figure it out. That really scared me and I wanted to do something about it.
I spent most of my time researching, learning new things, finding new interests and projects. Maybe something was going to catch my attention enough for me to stay there and find my calling. I learned tons of things while doing this and I realized that the more I knew the more mature I seemed. A broader more objective world was unveiling before my eyes. Perspectives I didn't even know I didn't know about; you know that feeling.
I learned everything from philosophy to theoretical physics and I really thought as if I had the tools in order to make a decision to pursue a life worth living. I became obsessed about starting projects that would make a significant impact. I designed and modeled an educational software focused on teaching future skills to children in developing countries. They would learn English, code programming, and diverse concepts that would stimulate critical thinking. I took this to some social-responsibility funds to get it started in my home country (El Salvador), but it seemed as if they only saw it as a nice school project but not in practice. I couldn't wrap my head around this as I had looked into all the aspects of the project, from the funding to the sustainability.
I decided to put that in the backroom for a minute and started a new project with some friends from engineering school. I modeled a business plan that would allow for housing projects and condominiums to use the upcoming technologies of solar power and super-efficient appliances. I hoped one day we could see electrically self-sustaining communities and maybe even road lights around Latin America. Again, we failed to really hit the nail properly by not finding the right capital investment and frankly not putting in enough time and effort. We did have school and work to worry about at the time.
Like these ideas, several came and went. It makes me wonder how many awesome ideas are out there in the heads of people that are just not being implemented because of lack of resources or because they are being disregarded as naive because it sprouted out of a college kids' head. It seems a lot of "old" people haven't learned from recent history and seen how the greatest projects are started by these idealist college kids. It's probably something they only consider in the tech industry.
As time passed, graduation was increasingly near. My student visa could only be extended if I decided to work for one year in the U.S. as practice. I couldn't consider going back home empty handed so I decided to give it a shot. Going into the job market as a college student really made me sink into reality; especially being an international student. It hit me hard and it didn't took long enough until I started disregarding the more "meaningful" jobs. I was then forced to crawl into the good ol' office jobs that accomplish close to nothing; if not more damage than good.
I say this last sentence because the place I ended up getting a job at was a disgrace to humanity. They essentially gave out loans to small businesses with APR's that would soar into the three digits. Yes, THREE. With the only legal hideout being they technically didn't give out loans but something called a "merchant cash advance". So they would pay for future receivables on a factored discount. Say, between 28 and 45 percent of the total amount.
Here, I learned that some people legitimately don't care about anyone else but themselves. I got verbally harassed for suggesting other alternatives to my clients. And the same way this people treated their "customers" they treated their employees. I saw dozens of people come in and out of that place. I was there only because I had a limited amount of time allowed to be unemployed before I lost my visa. Safe to say, I ended up quitting and tried to start my own online business.
Not so bad, right? Just a bad work experience and probably thousands of kids go through similar things. Don't worry, fellow reader, the story just got interesting.
So, to find this job I had to move with an uncle I had only seen once. I was sleeping in his son's room, which was intact from the last time he had been in there. Dirty clothes in the laundry basket and probably even some cup rings on the table. The thing is, he had tragically died in a motorcycle accident a couple years prior. I was immensely thankful to my uncle for letting me stay there while I found a job and went through interviews. But, I had to leave as soon as possible.
A guy landed a job in the same office I did a couple weeks after I did. For the record, I think they offered a job to everyone that went through that door. He was a tall, big, and frankly scary dude. He wasn't very clever around computers so I gave him a hand. I learned I really enjoyed teaching because of this. One day he overheard me saying I desperately needed a room to stay in. He offered me a room in his apartment given I had been a nice guy to him and helped him voluntarily. He only lived with his girlfriend, I wouldn't need to sign a lease, he had an extra bed, a reasonable rent, and a five minute walk to the beach. I thought I had won the lottery.
Remember when I said that I quit my job to start my own business? Well, I bought all the necessary office supplies for my room and built my own little work place in the apartment. It was then that this guy really started showing his true colors. From time to time he had mentioned his past problems with alcohol and how he would turn into a violent beast. He used to work as a bouncer in several big shot clubs and met a lot of 'important' people. He had a couple altercations with the law here and there, but nothing major. I wasn't really worried as I thought this was all behind him.
Truth was, he started being paranoid of me being too much in the house with his girlfriend. I rarely ever saw her and didn't exchange too many words but the ocasional 'hello' when walking into the house. He started texting me and asking what was she doing. I did feel a little uncomfortable at first, but didn't really thought about it too much. She would constantly move out for weeks at the time and then come back. I never thought too much of it, you know, couple problems. One night I came home from the gym and I found this guy sitting on a chair smelling of booze. My fight or flight response started to kick in, as I knew what happens when this guy drinks. He started asking me questions about his girlfriend and if I had seen anyone enter the house. I assured him I had not seen anyone and I had only been minding my own business. He then proceeded to ask me to change my clothes because we were going out. I was tired and hungry but out of fear I just went with his demands.
He took me out to several different bars and it became clear to me that he was really just looking for her and hopefully finding her with some other person. During this time he was drinking even more and talking about his past. He told me he used to work with "narcos" as a debt bounty hunter and a couple horror stories of what he had done. If you had seen this guy, it all made sense. I knew I had to leave as soon as possible. But, what about my office? I didn't know anyone around here and I wasn't going to be able to find another place. I didn't have any money either, so what to do?
I waited it out and it was a mistake. One night he came into my room wielding a knife. Adrenaline rushed through my body but he just handed it to me. I wasn't sure what was going on, if he was asking me to knife fight him or what was the deal. I put my shoes on and wield the knife. He said that he heard people in the living room's bathroom and that I had to get ready for a fight till death. He proceeded to slam open the door and just beat down the air. "This guy is tripping his balls out", I thought to myself.
He then came into my room, sat on my bed, and questioned me. He started making claims about knowing that people had been coming into his house and 'banging' his girlfriend. He said he was sure I knew about this and I had not been saying anything to him. I reassured to him I did not know anything about that happening while I was there, if it was at all. He speculated that if I didn't know anyone, it had to be me. He said to me that a friend of his was going to drop off a gun and that he was going to kill the person responsible and make his body disappear. If I knew anything about it and I wasn't coming out clean, I was going to share the same fate. He proceeded to say that his criminal friends knew who I was, had my Facebook information, car model and tag.
That night, I didn't sleep. I laid on my bed with my shoes on and a knife under the pillow until the sun came out. I was hoping to leave that next morning, and I did. I grabbed as much stuff as I could and I ran out of that place. I didn't know where I was going but I had to leave. I ate some gas station food and slept on my car. On top of this, I had been going through some major depression, but that is a tale for another time. I could only cry and hope he wasn't going to find me. I was afraid to call the police on him. He was going to see that I left as a confession and probably send people to find me. On the second day, a girl that I barely knew from school told me I could crash at her couch. She lived a little over one hour away so I went. However, the man proceeded to harass me on the phone and tell me he was going to find me and kill me. Again, I didn't want to block his phone as I felt that I wanted to be on top of whatever he was thinking.
I spent weeks not being able to sleep or eat properly. Until he called me and said I wasn't a target for him anymore and explained he had been doing crack for all that time. I felt a little relief, but I needed a change of life. I had so many dreams that had been rapidly crushed into a horror movie. I somehow developed some anxiety disorder and a mild PTSD.
I'm slowly recovering and hopefully one day I can find the calling of that thing that will give my life purpose.